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Pod #283: The 3 Reasons Why Our Loved Ones Don’t Want Us To Change

September 7, 2017 By Gene Monterastelli 1 Comment

I might seem counter intuitive, but there are three good reasons to why our loved ones don’t want us to heal and transform. This can even be true for the people in our lives who are vocally supportive of us.

In most cases this lack of support from our loved ones is happening on a subconscious level.

This week in the podcast I talk about the three reasons why our loved ones don’t want us to change and I provide a tap along audio for each of the reasons.

You can also find the tapping scripts written out below the audio player. (Did you know that you can take many of the tapping script with you through the free Tapping Q&A app? Download it here: Apple App | Google/Android App)

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I recognize the fact that as I change. As I transform. As I heal. As I move forward. My transformation impacts the people around me because we are connected. We are interdependent. Just because my transformation impacts others it does not mean I need to stand still. That I need to stay static. Because the world isn’t static. The world is not staying the same. It only feels that way. I give myself permission to pursue transformation. To work towards healing. In an intentional and a deliberate way.

It is okay for me to make choices in the world that impact the people around me. Because the people around me are being impacted by me no matter what I do. They’re going to be times in which loved ones feel subconsciously that my transformation is pointing out and heightening the discomfort in their own life. When they see me having better. When they see me healing. When they see me transformed. They might be reminded of the things that they are not happy within their own life. This might cause them to push back on my transformation. To undermine my healing. Just because they recognize the pain in their life. This does not mean I am responsible for the pain in their life. This does not mean I have caused the pain in their life. This does not mean I have to stop my transformation. They are responsible for their emotional state and I give myself permission to keep healing. Regardless how they see themselves.

It is also possible for the people around me to be jealous of my transformation. Because they are not having the same type of healing. They might even be putting in effort. They might even be working really hard. Not make the progress that I am making. Because of this they are jealous of my progress. I recognize the fact my healing is not undermining their healing. My transformation is not undermining their transformation. It simply means that I am transforming and I am healing at a rate that is faster than them. They can choose to be jealous if they like. But they are responsible for that jealousy. I give myself permission to trust myself. To know this healing path is right regardless how it relates to someone else’s healing path. This process of healing that I am engaged in means and I am changing. Means that I am transforming.

When I transform one part of my life it often impacts many parts of my life. When I change it is possible for many of my relationships to change as well. There are people who aren’t going to be happy with our relationships changing. Because they want their life to be predictable. They want their life to be the same. They want things to move forward in a consistent way. I can appreciate their desire for predictability. But the world is actually changing all of the time. Relationships are evolving all of the time. I give myself permission to recognize the fact I am not responsible for others transformation. I am allowed to change. I give myself permission to know that when people are frustrated with my transformation regardless of the reason it is about them and how they see the world. It is not about me. It is not about my right to transform. It is not about how I’m moving through the world. It is about their interpretation. I give myself permission to keep healing. To keep transforming. To keep evolving. Regardless what the people around me think. My transformation is about me. My transformation is about my life. My transformation is about how I move forward. I give myself permission to trust myself in this transformation. To know my transformation and healing is not only good for me but it is good for everyone.

Related articles and podcasts:

  1. Pod #277: EFT For When It Is Too Late For A Loved One To Change
  2. People Might Not Like It When We Change
  3. When Our Change Affects Others
  4. When You Can’t Feel Any Emotion AND When Loved Ones Give Us Limiting Beliefs
  5. Tapping To Let Go Of Pleasing Others (w/ tapping script)

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Family, Loved Ones, Resistance

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Gene MonterastelliGene Monterastelli is a Brooklyn based tapping practitioner. In addition to working with individual clients and groups, he regularly writes and records about how to use tapping to move from self-sabotage to productive action.
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