photo by sean dreilinger

I’ve noticed a pattern in my life that is just like my parents and I can’t seem to tap it away. Is there something special I need to do when dealing with issues that I have picked up from my parents?

It makes perfect sense that we pick up the patterns, traits, and beliefs from our parents. They are the ones who cared for us and taught us during our most formative years. Not all of these patterns and beliefs are helpful. Tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is great for dealing with issues, but I have found in my work with clients it can be particularly hard to deal with beliefs that have been passed on to us by people we love and respect.

It is possible for us to feel that when we are letting go of these beliefs we are also dismissing, letting go, or disrespecting the people who gave us them to us.

The subconscious can think:

• If I let go of this I am saying I don’t love my mother
• If I let go of this I am saying that I am letting go of my father
• If I let go of this I am saying that my mother was wrong
• If I let go of this I am saying that my father is not worth anything to me

When we believe any of these things it makes it difficult for us to release those beliefs that are no longer serving us, and to heal and move forward. In order to heal we need to recognize that it is possible to let go of the beliefs held by people who are very important to us, without dismissing or diminishing our relationship with them.

In this example we will assume that we’re working on a money issue passed on to us by our father. Tapping might look like this:

I know that I am approaching money just like my father…and I know that this approach is not serving me…but there is a part of me that doesn’t want to let go this belief…there is a part of me that believes that if I let this belief go then I am also letting go my father…I am saying that my father was wrong…I am saying that I don’t love my father…I am saying that I am not grateful for what my father has done for me…but I know this isn’t true…I can let go of beliefs that my father had without letting go of my father…I can know that I love my father and that my father loves but and not hold everything he said or did as true…my father was imperfect…and it is OK to say that he was and is imperfect…and there are many beliefs that served him in a time and place that don’t serve me…parents want what is best for us…and they might think that one way is right…but even when they want things for us that aren’t perfect for us…they do this because they want what is best for us…I can do what is best for me and still love my father…I can do what is best for me and still appreciate everything my father has done for me…I can do what is best for me and keep the relationship strong…letting go of something my father has given me is not the same as letting go of him