photo by Jack Lyons
I wasn’t the coolest of kids when I was in middle school. I was on the math team, had feet larger than my 6’ 2” tall father, and I had a mullet.
It wasn’t pretty.
I didn’t think my life was horrible. I didn’t think I was a total loser. I wasn’t a complete loner. But I knew my place.
It was fine for me to be my quirky, funny self around my fellow nerds (back when being a nerd wasn’t cool like it is today), but when I was around anyone of a “higher” social status I just kept my head down.
I felt that if I opened my mouth everyone would look at me and think, “I can’t believe what a waste of time he is. Why do we even have him around? Could he just leave!”
This is something that persisted well into my twenties.
I can still remember one particular moment whilst I was at university. I was on campus early for training for a job I had in the resident halls. During a long afternoon break I sat with two guys I worked with who were older than me (and both former military). The conversation lasted for almost two hours and I didn’t say a word.
I felt out of place…or more likely I “knew” my place, which was below everyone else in the room.
As I think back to that moment now I can still imagine what it felt like to be a little kid who is tagging along with the big kids hoping they don’t notice that I was there. (In my memory even though I was 20 years old my body feels 4’ 10” tall.)
“Self-respect is a discipline, a habit of mind that can never be faked but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth.”
I really love this idea. It points to the fact self-respect isn’t something that is given to us by an external source. It comes from within. It is all about seeing what we are worthy of AND (most importantly) it is something that we can consciously nurture and develop.
When I was younger I wasn’t able to see that. I saw my place in the world based on where I believed I was in relation to everyone else. I was either an equal or I was below.
There were certainly a lot of times where I faked that I belonged. I walked very upright with a confident smile on my face. But just because I was giving the outward projection of belonging didn’t mean that I was comfortable inside of my own skin.
My personal journey with EFT, especially over the last few years, has been about becoming more comfortable inside of my own skin.
Which is really just another way of saying I am growing in self-respect.
If you are working to grow your sense of self-respect I would encourage you to tap along to this script for the next four days. Below the tapping script is a link to a pdf so that you can print out the script if you would like to put it somewhere where you will remember to tap to it.
I choose to know I am worthy of respect…I choose to know that I am worthy of respecting myself…I don’t need to do anything to prove that I am worthy of self-respect…I am made for self-respect…I don’t need to do anything to gain my self-respect…I know I am not perfect…I know I make mistakes everyday…I know there are things in my life I would like to improve…Even though I am not perfect…I am worthy of self-respect…I am worthy of seeing that I am good…I am worthy of seeing that I am lovable…It is possible to see that I am worthy and still know that I would like better…By respecting myself I am not stopping my growth…By respecting myself I am not stopping my healing…Who I am is not determined by other people…Who I am is not determined by what others think…My value is not determined by other people…My value is not determined by what other people think…I choose to know I am worthy…I choose to know I am lovable…I choose to know that I am worthy of being heard…I am worthy even if I don’t believe I am worthy…My belief in my worthiness is not a prerequisite to my worthiness…I am worthy of respect even if I don’t believe it right now…
Please let me know in the comments below how this works for you or if you have other phrases you have tapped to that have been helpful for self-respect.