 photo by Darren Hester |
Anger is a powerful and wonderful emotion. It exists to keep us safe. It is the power that allows us to fight back when we are being attacked. It sharpens our focus and it gives us strength.
But it is also a very primitive emotion. It is not always very discerning. It can take the smallest slight and perceive it as an attack. When it does this it raises its ugly head. Because it is such a powerful emotion it is important to clean it out at the roots.
One of my favorite techniques for working with anger is to give it the time, space, and power to yell it self out. Anger doesn’t persist when it doesn’t have something pushing back on it.
[Note: It is important to note that you should only try this technique in a space that is safe where you are not going to let the anger get the best of you.]
We begin by tapping. I have my client then move from tapping point to tapping point throughout the whole process.
Next, I have my clients tune in to the anger. I do this my having them notice how it feels in the body. Is it fists that want to punch, fire in the veins, a voice that wants to scream, or a series of thoughts running through their mind?
After they have described to me what the anger feels like I have them breathe life and energy into the anger. I have then take a number of deep breathes. As the oxygen enters the body I instruct them to feel it powering the anger.
Once the anger has grown into its full power I ask them to just let the anger scream it self out. I give them the option to do this in their head or to do it out loud. If there is someone they are angry at I encourage them to have the anger yell anything and everything it needs to say.
After I have them do this for a while and they feel like they are done I have them do it some more. And then I have them do it some more. And then I have them do it some more until the anger has just shouted itself out.
It is amazing how quickly anger can lose its power when it doesn’t have something fighting against it or trying to hold it back. By doing this while tapping it just makes the whole process happen faster.
After you have done this to the point of boredom it is good to check in to see what new emotions are at the front of the mind. Many times the anger is not the root issue, but once the anger has gotten itself out of the way it now creates space for us to work on the root cause.
Once the deep root is revealed it is going to make it much more likely for the anger to not come back because instead of just dealing with the symptom of anger, you are able to get to what is much deeper.
Wow – that sounds really powerful! I like this:
“Anger doesn’t persist when it doesn’t have something pushing back on it.”
In my work with chronic alcoholics and Addicts, I have found the lesson taught me by my first trainer to be profoundly important – when working with anger: Anger is a SECONDARY e-motion; it is ALWAYS fueled by Fear and/ or Hurt. To fully resolve anger issues, we MUST deal with the underlying Fear/Hurt. I have found that providing that information BEFORE lowering the temperature of the anger is very helpful in allowing the client to ID / access the Root e-motion. (E-motion = Energy IN Motion)
Brian,
That is a great point. Anger is very much rooted in fear or hurt. Sometimes it is easier to enter through the anger because it is so present. Other times it is very powerful to enter through the roots if you can find them.