I’m wondering how to approach a new client. She is interested in EFT, but says that she is only willing to give her issue two sessions, maybe three, tops, since she has been in therapy for years. She says she doesn’t want to start any long-term therapy. I saw her this last Friday for the first time, and we only talked (and when I say “we” talked I mean she only talked). You talk about multiple issues? This is the queen. I have a session with her next Friday. I don’t even know where to start. If this were your client, where would you start?
 photo by John Brian Silverio |
Sometimes, with clients and in our own lives, we are presented with a very neat and clean issue to work with, having very defined aspects and very easy entry points. Other times issues are so intertwined, you don’t know where to begin. This is because as humans we are complicated complete systems.
In a general sense here are a few things I keep in mind when working with clients where everything is coming up at once.
1) Manage expectations.
Before we start I talk about the reasons people often have their issues and the type of work that brings healing. Sometimes this healing happens quickly; other times the healing takes a little longer. I explain at the beginning there is no way we can tell the outcome we are about to have. I share many past examples to show how slowly or quickly progress can happen.
2) Keep detailed records of the progress we have made.
When there are many issues it is very easy to think more about new pains that rise up than about the healing that has preceded it. For example, my head hurts and my back is hurting. We do work on my head, which stops hurting, and all I can think of is my back. Now I’ll say how bad my back is. I‘ve forgotten my head ever hurt.
When a client gets frustrated that they are not making progress because all they can feel is the present pain, I remind them of the progress we’ve made. I bring out my notes and say, “When we started you were dealing with this, this and this. In two sessions this is the progress we’ve made.”
One client I work with regularly has to be reminded of her progress every three or four sessions. Sometimes I need to remind myself of my own progress, too.
3) Knock an issue all the way out before you move on to the next.
If you start with issue A, finish it off before moving on to issue B. If you don’t, neither you nor your client will feel satisfied because nothing has been completed.
There is an exception to this rule. If you are working on something small and something much larger and more emotional comes up, you want to resolve the bigger issue first.
4) You are not meant to work with everyone who walks through your door.
It is a very different thing for doctors who by law are required to provide medical care. They are expected to treat everyone who comes through their door. Most people who are doing EFT are paraprofessionals. Even though we are helping people to access the healing powers they already have, we fall much more into the coaching than the medical category.
This gives you the right to decide a client is not for you. If you expect the client to be more trouble than he or she is worth, encourage the client to find help somewhere else. This is not say that you don’t want to help, but you won’t be a good fit for everyone who walks through your door. You will serve your clients better when you work with the clients who are the best fit for you.
I have had clients come to me just looking for one more person to complain to about how horrible their life is, who don’t really want to progress. I have decided I want to work with clients who are willing to overcome issues and move forward. It’s okay for you to choose who you’ll work with.
I agree with Gene. You must manage this woman’s expectations before you do anything else. I would not have said yes to her without her clear understanding and agreement to what may or may not be possible in this time period. I’m recalling Gary’s old adage: “Underpromise and overdeliver!”
I would also agree with you that if someone is that hell-bent on “getting over it” in 2-3 sessions (enough to call it a priority) there are multiple issues at play, including a need to place blame on others for her inability to heal. Your description of the scenario screams “she needs to take responsibility” – for her own healing and her own progress. By your own description, I don’t know if she will do this. In my opinion, it is essential that she demonstrate readiness to take full responsibility for her use of EFT before your work begins. Again, make sure you feel absolutely confident and comfortable with the expectations around the session BEFORE you dive in. This may involve picking ONE issue that you feel you can reasonably address in this time period – this may not be possible. Trust your intuition, and don’t be afraid to tell her no. Good luck!
If you look at this lady in terms of the Elements & Meridians, it strikes me that her Water Element may be out of balance (spill water and it runs everywhere, it can be very tricky to stop the flow, it sounds like her words are flooding out in a flow that is very tricky to stop). The element that controls water is Earth (which would help contain the flow). The Earth element is that nurturing mothering kind of presence which gives strong arms (and boundaries that help someone feel secure). So giving her that real nurturing energy, making sure she is comfortable, checking she is warm, getting her a cushion etc on an unconscious level feeds her the earth energy which can then provide a container for that excess of water, turning it into a reservoir that is held, rather than a flood that is uncontainable! The water element is also linked into fear & feelings, so giving that strong motherly nurturing earthy energy then allows the water to relax, lose the impatience & speed and she will probably then be able to gather her thoughts more, work on one thing at a time etc. What water element most wants is depth – they yearn for someone to give them the deeper meaning to all that is going on. So you could really do fantastic work there, if you can provide that earthy nurturing environment which will provide a container for the flow. If she gets that one need met (for someone to feel to her, like they care) she will come just for the unconscious nurturing feeling that she gets each time she comes. I hope that makes sense and good luck, a nice challenge!