I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?
[Note: This is article number two in a four-part series on how to get what you do want. In this article we look at the second of four steps in using EFT to change our lives.]
photo by chotda
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very powerful tool for changing our lives for the better. In part one of this series (Knowing What We Don’t Want) we started by looking at the areas of our lives that we wanted to change. We then listed everything about these parts of our life we didn’t like.
There are many thoughts and writings suggesting that we should not dwell on the negative when we want to make changes in our life. I agree that spending a great deal of time wallowing in negative emotions and frustrations with our current situation is not the best use of time or energy, but these frustrations can be very helpful by providing contrast. We can guide ourselves towards the things we do want by identifying the circumstances we don’t want.
That is the reason we spent time in step one looking at what we don’t want. These are going to help us define how we want our lives to change. In part one, we used changing jobs as the example. Our list of frustrations looked like this (remembering that each of these is listed down the left-hand side of the page with a few spaces between each entry):
- It sucks the life out of me
- I hate going to work
- My boss does not appreciate me
- It is very boring
- I am not paid enough
- The hours are too long
- There is unexpected over time
- I don’t get to see my family enough
- It is not creative
In the second step of this process we take each of these negative statements and turn them into statements of what we do want. These we are going to write in the right-hand column of the page. It might look something like:
- I am energized when I leave work, and not just because I am leaving but because I have enjoyed the workday
- I look forward to going to work
- I am appreciated and valued by my supervisor and coworkers for my contribution.
- I enjoy the job and learn form it
- I am paid more than enough to take care of my family’s needs and wants
- The workday allows me to spend time with my family and to do the activities I enjoy
- There is no unexpected overtime or radical unexpected changes to the schedule.
- I see my family and friends enough to develop and maintain loving nurturing relationships
- The job challenges me creatively
We now have a clearer understanding of how we would like our lives to change. It is important to note I used the word “clearer,” not “clear”. The process of understanding how we want to change our lives is an ongoing, lifelong process.
If you are having trouble coming up with phrases for the right-hand column because you have resistance to naming changes or because you continue focusing on the negative, you can tap to gain clarity. It might look something like this:
I am trying to come up with how I want my life to look…I am having a hard time…For some reason all I can do is focus on the negative…I know my life can be better… Whatever blocks I have to coming up with positive descriptions I release right now…I give myself permission to let these blocks go…I give myself permission to dream big dreams and know that they are possible…[How to use these tapping phrases]
In step three of this process we will look at how to clear the emotional blocks that prevent us from moving forward and making the changes we want.
Getting what we want into our lives: