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Pod #277: EFT For When It Is Too Late For A Loved One To Change

July 5, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

It would be great if we could find a solution for every problem.

But that is simply not possible. Some illness can’t be cured. Death is inevitable.

There are even times when solutions are available, but for a variety of complex reasons our loved ones aren’t willing or able to choose change.

Whether there is no clear solution or the solution isn’t being chosen, it can leave you feeling helpless and heartbroken.

Below is a tap-along audio and script for those times when there is nothing you can do and you still hurt.

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I want better for those around me…I want better for those I love…I want them to make better choices…I want them to have access to better options…The truth of the matter is that at a certain point…There are no more options…There is nothing that we can do to create change…Because the situation is so grave…There’s a part of us that doesn’t want to admit that…There is a part of me that doesn’t believe I am helpless in this regard…It is a part of me that wishes I could tap a little longer and a little harder to create change…But what is happening is happening…There are times when we cannot change that…I feel like a failure when this happens…I feel like I’m giving up because I’m not trying something new…I feel like there must be some deficiency in me otherwise I would have solved this problem…Otherwise I would have found an answer…Otherwise I would have found a way around this…Sometimes there’s nothing I can do…And that breaks my heart…It breaks my heart to see a loved one suffer…It breaks my heart to see them in pain…It breaks my heart to not see them take the action that might make a difference…I give myself permission to be sad…I give myself permission to be heartbroken…These are the emotions of wanting better for my loved ones…I give myself permission to be angry…Because that is the emotion of trying to fight for better…I give myself permission to feel lost…Because sometimes I just don’t have the answers…Even though this is out of my control…I can still be present…I can still be loving…I can share this moment with them…And that is real…That is significant…That is meaningful…Even if there’s a part of me that doesn’t accept that to be true…Even if there’s a part of me that feels like I am failing…Even if there’s a part of me that wants me to do more…I give myself permission to be with them…In this moment…With whatever they are dealing with…Knowing that they must take action…That this is their moment too…I give myself permission to know that it is significant…I give myself permission to know that this is not giving up…I give myself permission to know this is not giving in…This is being in the moment for them…This is being in the moment with them…That is meaningful…That is real…That is what I can do…That is who I can be in this moment.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Family, Loved Ones, Self Care

Pod: #276: The Difference Between Knowing What To Do And Doing It

June 28, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

There is a huge difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Just because tapping is a powerful tool doesn’t mean that you will always remember to reach for it in times of emotional distress.

When my clients are recounting something from the previous week that was hard, I ask them if they tried tapping for the issue. They usually reply somewhat sheepishly, “No… I forgot.” My aim is not to try to shame them by asking that question. I just want to know what happened so we can do the best work in the moment.

We set amazingly high standards for ourselves. Part of us believes that if we know how to do something, then we must be perfect at it every time. That is simply not the case.

It takes time for new skills to become a habit. But we are human beings and we simply aren’t perfect, meaning that we don’t always reach for the right tool.

Below you will find a tap-along audio and tapping script to help you to be easier with yourself when you aren’t doing the action you want to take perfectly. When tapping like this we are not excusing ourselves from not making the best choices, but instead making sure that we understand why we don’t always make the best choices.

Right now, think of an area in your life where you are beating yourself up because you aren’t doing it well enough, and tap for it. Not only will you feel better, but it will be easier to take positive action.

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I recognize the fact that I am not perfect…I recognize the fact that I will make mistakes…Even though I can intellectually accept that fact…There is a part of me that does not want to accept that…There is a part of me that thinks I need to get it right…Especially when I have the skills…Especially when I know what to do…When I don’t use the skills that I have…There is a part of me that decides to beat myself up…There is a part of me that needs to let me know that I am wrong…There’s a part of me that wants to punish me for this mistake…I appreciate the fact that something in me wants to hold myself to a very high standard…I appreciate the fact that there is a part of me that wants me to make the best choices possible…I also recognize the fact that this part of me is over functioning…That this part works way too hard…That this part believes if it beats me up for making a mistake…I will then make good choices in the future…I know this isn’t the case…I know that harsh words and beating myself up are not helpful…I know chastising myself is not useful…I give myself permission to be easy with myself…I give myself permission to be gentle with myself…I give myself permission to be kind to myself…There’s a part of me that finds this unacceptable…There is a part of me that believes I’m taking the easy way out…There is a part of me that thinks that when I am easy with myself…What I’m really doing is giving myself permission to make more mistakes…But when I’m easy with myself I can still take responsibility for my past choices…When I’m easy with myself I can still take responsibility for the consequences of my choices…When I’m easy with myself I am still deciding to learn the lessons of the past…Learning from my past is useful…Learning from my past is instructive…Beating myself up for bad choices is destructive…I give myself permission to be imperfect…I can be imperfect and still strive to do my best…I give myself permission to be easy with myself…Knowing that being easy with myself is not letting myself off easy…When I learn from my past without beating myself up…It is the fastest route to transformation…It is the fastest way to creating positive new habits.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Easy With Self, Mistake, Taking Action

Pod #275: EFT For Grief

June 21, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

Unfortunately, death is an unfortunate fact of life. Even with the passing of a loved one is expected it is an emotionally difficult experience.

When we are facing the emotions that come after the death of a loved one, the goal is not to eliminate all of our emotion. Sadness is appropriate. Sadness is healthy. Instead we can tap to make sure that we are have proportional well informed emotions.

The tap-along audio and script that you can find below is perfect any time you are feeling the pain of the death of a loved one. It could be right when it happened, on the anniversary of their death, or on a random day that you are reminded of them.

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Having a loved one die hurts…I am overcome with sadness…Because I’m never again going to get a chance again to spend time with this person I loved…I won’t get to ask them for advice…I won’t get to share a joke…I won’t get to cry alongside them…Those moments are gone…Because of that I hurt deeply…The hurt that I am feeling is just my system telling me that I miss someone who is really important…I want my system to know that I am completely aware of that fact…I am aware of the loss…I am aware of the disconnection…I give my system permission to feel that sadness…I’m not running away from this sadness…I’m not avoiding the sadness…It is simply my experience in this moment…But I also recognize the fact…Then I don’t have to stay in that loss…It’s not the only part of this experience…How lucky am I to have had this person in my life…I know my life is better because of their presents in it…I know my life is richer because of that experience…And I appreciate deeply the fact that I knew them…Even though I miss them…I recognize the fact that this feeling isn’t going to last forever…That this sadness isn’t going to last forever…That this pain isn’t going to last forever…Even though in this moment it feels like it will…In this moment I’m allowed to feel grief…I don’t have to fight it…I give myself permission to know it’s not my total experience…This experience is more than the grief…I’m allowed to appreciate and I’m allowed to celebrate period I’m allowed to honor this friendship…They will be missed…I will feel the sadness of their loss again because they are loved…I don’t have to feel sadness to honor the friendship…Feeling sadness is one of the ways to honor the friendship…I give myself permission to honor it in so many other ways…I am so lucky they were in my life…Remembering that is so much more important than the sadness of their loss…This sadness will pass…This grief will pass…But my connection to them will remain forever.

Filed Under: Podcast, Tap Along Tagged With: Death, Family, Grief

Pod #274: How To Tap When Your Emotions Are So Strong You Can’t Find The Right Words

June 7, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

A key reason we don’t tap in the moment is because we are so engulfed by what we are feeling that we don’t remember tapping is something helpful we can do.

Or sometimes we may remember to tap, but we still don’t do it because we don’t know where to start. In the middle of strong emotions it can be difficult to describe what we are feeling. We can’t find the words to describe the root cause and we aren’t thinking clearly enough to come up with a reframe for the situation.

Because we can’t find an entry point to tapping, we simply don’t do it.

Here is a simple 3-step process to use when you are in the moment and don’t know what to say when you are tapping. The process is so simple that you will be able to master it after listening just once.

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Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Emotions, Overwhelm

Pod #273: EFT For Big Decisions

May 31, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

Back in Pod #199 I shared with you a tap-along audio to help you when you are facing a big decision. The tap-along is about trusting yourself, creating space, and knowing that everything will work out for the best.

I went back to listen to it again and I think it is an excellent and useful tap-along.

At the same time, I think there is more we can do to create space for making good choices when facing a big decision.

This week I have for you a simple tool with step-by-step instruction on how you can use tapping in the decision-making process. It’s more than just feeling better about making the choice, but tapping while you are figuring out what is best for you.

If you use the tool, please let me know how it worked for you in the comment section below.

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Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Choice, Decision

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Gene MonterastelliGene Monterastelli is a Brooklyn based tapping practitioner. In addition to working with individual clients and groups, he regularly writes and records about how to use tapping to move from self-sabotage to productive action.
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