You Are Acting Too Responsible AND It Is Hurting You

I'm lucky.

My life is filled with caring people. People who go much more than the extra mile to take care others. They are thoughtful, they are insightful, and they often know the needs of their loved ones before their loved ones do.

When I see this type of love, care, and concern I am inspired.

And I am heartbroken.

Give Too Much
The problem that very insightful and caring people have is that because they so clearly see the suffering and needs of other that they often put other people's needs first.

Well, that is not true.

Often they put other people's needs first, second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth.

When this happens they end up putting themselves last.

Not only does this make it harder to pursue their goals but there are times where they end up hurting themselves.

Creating Boundaries
Once we realize that we are giving too much we realize that we need to start creating boundaries.

There are two problems with this.

One, we feel like we are letting other people down. We feel like we are being selfish. We feel like we are no longer being caring. Or at the extreme we can feel like because we are not taking care of others we are actively hurting them.

Two, it is hard to recalibrate relationships after we have created a precedent of us always taking care of the needs of others first.

I was talking to my sister last week about this idea and her struggle to create boundaries with some of her co-workers. She said something that I think rings true.

I need to be a responsible adult. I am not responsible for my co-workers.

I really think that sums it up perfectly.

It puts us in the right frame of mind. We are not saying we don't care. We are not saying we are only thinking of ourselves. We are saying that we are going to be responsible adults.

Responsible adults help those in desperate need. Responsible adults are thoughtful about how their actions impact others.

But at the same time we are not taking responsibility for someone else's life or actions. They need to do that.

I need to be a responsible adult. I am not responsible for my co-workers.

For me that statement cuts a nice middle ground of not giving up and not taking on too much.

Tapping To Create Boundaries
If you are struggling to create boundaries in your life the first thing I would do is to take my sisters phrase “I need to be a responsible adult. I am not responsible for other.” and just tap on that over and over again.

Next, I would take these aspects one at a time and tap for them

• I feel like I am letting other people down.
• I feel like I am being selfish.
• I feel like I am no longer being caring.
• I feel like I am actively hurting others by caring for myself.

If you are looking for support in helping to clear this issue there are lots of tap-along audios around letting others down, being selfish, and how others will respond to you if you are following your goals in the Ruach Center.

There you will find over 160 tap-along audios (with more added each week) and there are a number of them are focused on creating boundaries and being able to put ourselves first. Full details: Ruach Center.