Here is a tweet that I love: @robpurdie i am the things i don’t like about other people.
Sometimes this is a really hard fact to admit, but I know in my own life it is true. When I am really bent out of shape by someone else’s actions it is providing me an opportunity to take a look at myself.
Here is a simple exercise that I use from time to time. I wish I could remember where I learned it form. For this activity you will need a sheet of paper divided into three columns.
1) Who are you frustrated with and why?
In the first column make a list of the people who are frustrating you and why they are frustrating:
| Jane only talks about herself | ||
| Bill is always late | ||
| Sam doesn’t realize how easy he has it | ||
| Jill picks on other behind their back | ||
| … |
2) Write a statement of forgiveness
In the second column write a sentence that is forgiving of them.
| Jane only talks about herself | I forgive Jane for only talking about herself | |
| Bill is always late | I forgive Bill for always being late | |
| Sam doesn’t realize how easy he has it | I forgive Sam for not realizing how easy he has it. | |
| Jill picks on other behind their back | I forgive Jill for picking on others | |
| … | … |
3) Change the forgiveness statement about yourself
| Jane only talks about herself | I forgive Jane for only talking about herself | I forgive myself for only talking about myself |
| Bill is always late | I forgive Bill for always being late | I forgive myself for being late |
| Sam doesn’t realize how easy he has it | I forgive Sam for not realizing how easy he has it. | I forgive myself for not realizing how good I have it |
| Jill picks on other behind their | I forgive Jill for picking on others | I forgive myself for picking on others |
| … | … | … |
4) Look at the third column for a starting point for tapping.
Each of the statements in the third column are great set-up statements. Now, each of them might not apply to you, but be honest. You might be surprised in what you discover.
It reminds me a bit of The Work by Byron Katie where you turn around judgments about others into statements about yourself. You are then supposed to look into these honestly and see how true that feels. By doing this you release the judgment. Similar but different process. I like your suggestion too. It’s a little easier and great to tie in to tapping.
Gene, this is great. When we’re triggered by others, I realize it is often because they are doing/saying/being something I haven’t acknowledged in myself.
Sometimes, though, people are triggering remaining stuff from a past event. For example, I could never figure out why it made me SO ANXIOUS when others were late. I am not a late person, so I knew it wasn’t some aspect of me I was being triggered by.
Then it hit me. The night my dad was killed, I was waiting up for him. He was late. Then I got the phone call. For sure, I’ve done tapping on it – in many, many ways.
I know you know that it’s not always as simple as “I am what I don’t like in other people,” Gene. Just wanted to describe one time when it took some digging to find the real source of my irritation.
Natalie Hill
Natalie,
You are right. Not everything fits into this neat of a formula. Your example is perfect. Thanks for sharing.