Note: This article was originally shared on June 4th, 2013. This is an updated and edited version of that article.
While working with small business owners I bump into the issue of perfectionism a great deal. We all worry about what other people think of us but this becomes a particularly acute problem for small business owners whose success is directly related to their personal credibility and how they are perceived by others.
As an example, a client I’ll call “Jane” was building a WordPress website for her business and she was unsure how she wanted it to look.
WordPress allows users to change the look and feel of an entire website at the click of a button by switching from one theme to another. There are thousands of free WordPress themes and Jane was overwhelmed by the choice. She wanted the website to be just perfect.
What Is “Just Perfect”?
I find the concept of “just perfect” interesting. What exactly does that mean?
For many the idea of “just perfect” means that what we choose has to be top of the line or in the top one percent. It needs to be better than everyone else.
But is that really worth striving for?
I don’t think it is.
Often “just perfect” means that it is doing its job.
Where building a new website is concerned, it needs to provide information to prospective clients, so “just perfect” means that the site is visually clear, and easy to navigate and understand.
A $40 logo can be perfectly acceptable, so there’s no need to spend $4000 on one.
Plain, easy-to-read text does the job just fine, so animations and videos are optional extras.
Ideally, a website is a delivery system for great content. Jane’s readers will visit the site because of what they want to learn, not because of its fancy design.
That’s not to downplay beautiful design and the thought that goes into the look and feel of a good website BUT it’s important to understand the concept of “good enough”. Especially when we are just starting out, good enough is an excellent goal.
When Not Perfect = Failing
It is amazing that many of us feel like we have failed when something is just good enough.
We have been taught constantly to strive for better. We have been encouraged to dream. We long for a richer life. Because of all this expectation, we believe that if something isn’t perfect, then it is bad.
I believe that in the majority of cases, good enough IS good enough!
Years ago, my father gave me a great example of understanding this concept. In order to sell a new product at work he needed to get at least 70% in a certification exam. In the weeks leading up to the exam he studied diligently. When he got home from the test I asked him how he did and he told me, “I got 74%…I studied too hard.”
He knew exactly what good enough was. He wasn’t looking for an ego boost in wanting the best score in the region or needing to prove anything to himself (or anyone else). He just needed to pass the test so that he could move on to the next thing.
Being Perfect At Being Good Enough
I was talking about the idea of “good enough is good enough” with another client. She asked, “How do I master the idea of ‘knowing good enough is good enough’?”
I paused for a moment.
And then she laughed at herself as she realized how ridiculous that statement was…she had just asked “How do I be perfect at ‘not needing to be perfect all the time’?”
The key to transforming our sense of perfectionism is first to be easy with ourselves, and to be easy with the process of not being so hard on ourselves. By doing this we can focus on what is needed to be successful and release the need for everything to be perfect in order to be successful.
Here’s a tapping script you can use when you are struggling with the need to be perfect when good enough is just that:
It is important that I continue to strive in my life…There are parts of my life that I would like to be richer…There are relationships I would like to be fuller…I have gifts and talents I want to share with the world…But this doesn’t mean that everything has to be the very best…It is important that I keep all of my goals in perspective…Just because something can be done better doesn’t mean that it has to be done better…My laundry needs to be folded well enough…My bed needs to be made well enough…My car needs to be parallel parked well enough…It is possible for me to do all these things better…But nothing would be achieved by the extra effort…There are so many things I would like to grow into…That I need only spend as much time as is necessary on each task…I don’t want to do less than is necessary…But it is important that I maintain balance and perspective…What is essential is the final goal…Not each of the pieces…I give myself permission to be comfortable with good enough…And to know that good enough isn’t settling…But instead by achieving good enough I am giving myself the time and resources for all the parts making up what I am trying to achieve…I am going to keep the big picture in mind…To understand what is good enough in each situation…Good enough is not failing…It is good enough…And that is just perfect.
Click here to Read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!
I think it’s just perfect!
This is a terrific article. As an online copywriter and marketing coach, I tell my clients the same thing you said in this post. A $40 logo can be as “perfect” as a $4000 logo. In fact, you’re better off with the $40 logo when you are starting out. You won’t be locked into an expensive investment that may not meet the needs you discover as your business grows.
Too many of my clients won’t even call for help till their ideas are “perfect.” The truth? You learn how to be perfect while you’re working with what’s imperfect, at least in the online world.
I think that sometimes the problem might be that we don’t know what good enough actually looks like. We can sometimes be fearful that even our ‘best’ is not good enough, depending upon our conditioning. I believe what you are saying is true, things don’t need to be perfectly perfect to be good enough. It’s a matter of learning (step by step) that less than perfect is ok. I like your tapping statements, of giving oneself permission to be comfortable with this idea. Thank you!
Excellent article Gene. Often my need for perfection holds me back. My perception of perfection is pretty lofty. When I catch myself, I can remind myself that I can always choose again or modify, and that way my best is always changing and growing, just like me. I too am building a website, and the choices can seem overwhelming at times. Thank you for the tapping dialogue. It has lightened the load!
Nice gentle reframe. I loved it.
Thanks Gene, your article reminded me of Rachel Naomi Remen telling the story of watching Carl Rogers at a workshop demonstrating his counselling approach. Just before he begins to work he turns to the audience and says
“I realise there’s something I do before I start a session. I let myself know that I am enough. Not perfect. Perfect wouldn’t be enough. But that I am human, and that is enough. There is nothing that this man can say or do or feel that I can’t feel in myself. I can be with him. I am enough”.
It’s a great line. I turned it into a tapping routine
Even though I have to be perfect and I’m not good enough …..
Then three rounds with the following reminder phrases
I have to be perfect ….
Perfect is not good enough
Good enough is perfect
That seems to help un-glue the perfection knot.
The whole article is here: http://www.practicalwellbeing.co.uk/2007/03/08/being-perfect/
I hope that helps.
I really enjoy the battle of the vs.! Over the last few months, I’ve gathered some of my own and thought that I’d say hi and share one of them too :)
Blame vs Responsibility
It’s just so much easier to point a finger. It’s his fault, her fault, my parents fault, my teacher’s fault, God’s fault (I’ve also come across a it’s my life’s fault :)) When we have someone or something to blame, then our anger feels justified and somebody else has to change or make up to us so we can feel better. And all we have to do is wait for this to happen. Of course, when it doesn’t (and usually it doesn’t), then the anger turns to bitterness and bitterness to resentment and still, it’s just easier to wait….
And responsibility? That not just feels like it’s my fault, but also by extension, feels like I am letting the other person off the hook! How is this fair? And so usually, we end up at a semi-mid point where we understand that perhaps (a hesitant, maybe possibly perhaps!) we contributed to the situation, but that it’s still the other person who has to change/make up to us! It’s just heavier to recognise that we might have brought something crashing down on our own heads…
But that only means one thing. That instead of taking responsibility, we are now completely blaming ourselves. So how do we switch? It’s really simple. The only difference between blame and responsibility is ACCEPTANCE. In blame, we can’t accept that this has happened or that this person behaved so terribly. So as long as we are willing to ACCEPT- not love, not approve, just accept – that this happened or someone behaved really badly, the shift towards the peaceful-solution-providing-energies of responsibility begins…Try it :)
I have paralyzed myself by trying to be perfect. I have had to learn to accept good enough. I have come to terms with this over time, and as you say, sometimes something just has to be good enough just so you can move on to the next step. I challenge myself continually. I have taken up the hobby of wood carving and when something isn’t perfect at the first attempt, I am now smart enough to leave it, and come back to it and see how I can correct what I did before. It’s a learning process. I no longer look at my first pieces and see nothing but flaws. I see only that these are practice pieces and with experience I will continue to improve.
Great article Gene. I find this need for perfect arises from the belief that we are not good enough,What we do isn’t good enough,and we never have been good enough and we must continue to strive to be enough ,so that we will be lovable.
If I can fix myself, if I’m perfect, then they’ll love me. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work. We can only be who we are. Who we are has to be enough because it’s all we have. Good enough feels like failure, because there is no good enough in this belief system. Until we love ourselves in all our perfect imperfection,we won’t feel good enough.
Wow – there is a lot of stuff there. I believe that what is at stake here is “our perception” and getting that to a healthy place. When I was younger and felt constant pressure by “my perception” that less than perfect was not acceptable (not good enough) by my Mother, I could never relax, never enjoy my accomplishments, never feel good about my abilities because I always felt that her expectations were not being met. I thought that achieving more, better, PERFECT was what was required to be accepted and loved. I am a child so unless I am shown unconditional love, my little mind is trying Mommy’s love for me to my report card or my trophy or my spotless room.
When you drag that belief into your adult life (because no one told me it wasn’t the truth) you end up a hamster wheel that has no destination and no exit. Yikes! Thankfully, I found a program that taught me differently so I am not constantly fighting an uphill battle. Does the concept of “good enough” make me lazy – hell no! But I does give me permission to feel good and worthy about what I do accomplish. It also gives me an exit from the wheel so I don’t have become an unrealistic fanatic about perfection and I actually get to experience some joy and acceptance in my life. I can do things to please myself instead of trying to please others soley for what I believe will be their acceptance of me. I love and accept me today! And that IS good enough.
I have found this article to be most beneficial.
I prefer the word enough to good enough personally.
As Carl Rogers demonstrated.
I am enough.
I have certainly like a lot of other people struggled with this.
I recall my father using good enough with a certain tone- when trying to finish up a job. A toss of the tool- when he just didn’t want to do the rest of the detail.
Good enough is when we live perfectly in the moment.
I think it does no harm for the younger generation up to the age of 30 to strive for perfection. After that age they get a slow awakening that good enough is good enough. If we leave the younger generation to strive for perfection it gives them good values and morals in the work place. Something that is sorely lacking in today’s society. Perfection in the younger generation will also help them to dress better, form better relationship instead of being sloppy with their attitudes and manners, and help them to present themselves better to others.
I would offer the perspective that good enough allows more room for trying out things I am not familiar with and lets me take chances I would not take if I needed to be perfect or even excellent with all end products. I have been able to try out different modes of sculpture, painting, jewelry making, knitting, cooking, languages, travel, raising children with very different personalities, by letting go of the desire to fulfill a fantasy image of how things “should be” and seeing them, as best I can, as they are. Then there is a perspective to change what I wish about what I do. <3 Thanks for being an exploring warrior Gene!
This is sooooo important! Thanks for sharing.
Three things: an important topic, an exciting new approach, and an awesome tapping script! A total winner! Thanks.