Recently I was talking with one of my clients. She has been doing an amazing amount of transformational work in her life. Personally, professionally, and emotionally everything was better, but she was struggling.
The basic thrust of our conversation was “I know everything in my life is getting better, so why do I feel worse?”
On the surface this might seem like an odd situation, but it happens a lot more than you would think.
Much of it comes down to the fact that there are different types of problems and not all of those problems are created equally. We always start with the most pressing problem first. For example, if you think terms of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we will worry about food and shelter before we worry about living a life of purpose or a fulfilling career.
The same is true when we are dealing with our emotional life. We start with the most pressing needs, such as feeling safe in the world, and then we move on to higher level needs, such as issues of self-esteem and self-worth.
As we move up the levels of needs, the more abstract the problems become. There are practical steps towards the basic need of trying to make myself feel safe, whereas the path to loving and accepting myself is less clear.
Because this is the case, as we move up (as in my client's case where her life is getting better), the issues become more abstract and we have less control, so it can feel like things are getting worse.
This week I have for you a deeper dive into these concepts, which will make it easier for you to recognize when you are experiencing this in your own life. I have also included a tap-along to help you to move through the feeling that your life is getting worse, when in truth it is improving.
As always, I have included a printable tapping script below the audio player.
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I recognize the fact that I am in process…I recognize the fact that this is an evolution…As I do my work…I am getting better…I'm getting healthier..But because of the nature of healing…It is very easy for me to miss the progress that I am making…When I heal I stop noticing the issue that I just healed…My focus goes to what is unhealed…I don't get the opportunity celebrate what I have just healed…Because my system has already moved on to the next issue requiring my focus and transformation…And because of this…I can actually feel worse…Because the types of emotions I am tuning into are different…These emotions cut more sharply…They are now emotions that cut deeper…They are no longer practical problems with obvious solutions…They are deep, emotional problems…And these types of problems weigh on me in a different way…I give myself permission to know that it is OK to feel like my issues are getting worse right now…But at the same time…I actually know that it is not getting worse…I am getting better… Even though my emotions are focusing on what is still wrong…I give myself permission to trust myself…I give myself permission to trust the process…To know that even though it feels bad in this moment…My life really is improving…I am moving forward…And mistakenly believing that it is actually getting worse…Is a perfectly natural part of the process…I recognize that it is OK to feel this way…As I keep moving forward…As I keep healing…As I keep transforming my life.
Hi Gene,
I’ve been listening for a while and I just wanted to let you know that this episode gave me the missing puzzle piece in my own self sabotage. I couple of times in my life I have built myself up to a level of success where I feel safe and spacious- like the bottom of the pyramid has been satisfied and then whoosh-I do something to undermine my physical health, financial health and relationship-placing me firmly back into “survival mode”. This helped me see I have been doing this I order to stay in my comfort zone and avoid that next, more existential pain. It’s also shown me where I have some limiting beliefs about my ability to contribute to the world and esteem. This comes at a time where I am finally ready to release people and places that reinforce limiting beliefs etc. Thank you for pointing this out. It was the answer to a question I asked the Universe two weeks ago! Thank you so very, very much. Now…back to work…knowing it’s ok and even normal to feel bad at that juncture. I don’t have to tear apart my life and return to “survival mode”. Amazing!
This came in my inbox at the perfect time. Thanks!