photo by Fine Shots |
Tapping with children can be a very rewarding experience. In many cases children take to tapping much faster than adults because they are more willing to try new things and aren’t hung up on why something is working. They just want to feel better.
Here are five things to keep in mind when teaching kids to tap. (Note: All five lessons below are hard won. I know them to be true because I have done the opposite of all five at one point.)
1) They Are Smarter Than You Think
I recently spoke to 600 middle school students about bullying. To start the presentation I talked about why bullies bully. I talked about what happens on an emotional level and how that affects our choices. At the end of the presentation the children broke up into to small groups with their adults to talk about what they can do to stop bullying in their schools. After the small group time a number of the adults walked up to me to express how surprised they were with the complexity of thoughts the kids had, the emotions they experienced, and how overall thoughtful they were.
Kids don’t have the vocabulary to express their emotions and thoughts the way adults do, but they are thinking real thoughts about their lives, their emotions, and who they are. Give them space to talk about their emotions, teach them how to talk about them, and they will surprise you (in really good ways).
2) You Must Be Authentic Or They Will Tune You Out
Kids today are very savvy because of their access to information and technology. They are treated by big business as a market place and they are constantly sold to through television and online. Because of this they have very sophisticated BS detectors and they can tell when someone is not being authentic with them.
It is so tempting to want to be cool and hip when talking with kids (especially teens), thinking you are “speaking their language”. It is just the opposite. They don’t want some line or for you to talk like them. They want someone who is just being who they are, even if that means being your dorky self.
You can’t ask a child to honest with their emotions and be comfortable inside their own skin unless you are willing to try to do the same.
3) Your Job Is To Love Them, Not Be Loved By Them
When we are working with teens or children we are doing it because we want better for them. That is the goal. Nothing more. Nothing less. We are not trying to be their friend and we are not trying to gain their admiration. We have our own friends and peers for that. This doesn’t mean that we act like jerks or that we don’t care, forgetting to treat them with respect. Sometimes wanting the best for someone is asking them to do difficult things and things they might not enjoy.
To help them heal we need their respect, not their love and affection. It is OK to be comfortable with that notion.
4) Teach Them Tools
Children (and most people) don’t care how or why tapping works. They are just looking for something that makes them feel better. When working with kids and teens give them tools. They don’t need theory. They want to be better, happier, and healthier. Once they know the tool works they might ask you how it works and why.
I love coming up with little processes that are easy to follow.
For example, a great way for parents to teach kids to tap for themselves is have them tap and explain four things whilst they are tapping.
- What was the best part of the day?
- What was the worst part of the day?
- What are they looking forward to tomorrow?
- What are they worried about tomorrow?
Very simple. It is easy to remember and easy to do. Once they have the tools they can take care of themselves.
5) Start With How The Emotions Feel In The Body
As I said above, children (and many adults) don’t have the skill or vocabulary to talk about their emotions as emotions. I like to have them talk about how the emotions feel in the body to help them to tune in.
They might not have the vocabulary to talk about the disappointment that comes with poor grades vs. fighting with a friend. They might call both of these emotions “mad”. But if you get them to talk about how it feels in the body they will be able to be more specific. By describing where the emotion is in the body (head, throat, stomach…) and how it feels in these places (heavy, tight, hot…) they will be much more successful with their tapping.
Go For It
You don’t have to be perfect when working with teens or children. They are looking for adults who care about them and care about their wellbeing. Show up from a place of love, treat them with respect, be ready for lots of questions and you will be a great tapping teacher and tapping role model for them.
What have you found works well when tapping with kids? What mistakes have you made from which you have learned? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to know what you think!
andrea steffens says
Thanks Gene: here is a definition of trauma: an event, experience or on-going condition that overwhelms the brains ability to process and complete it. Chronic fear or terror lay the ground work for traumatic stress.
I will be able to share the neuroscience underlying traumatic stress symptoms soon, if you are interested. I will have the materials in cartoon form and want people to have them. Thanks so much for your work here.
Marianne Lehmann Pedersen says
Hi Gene. I am an EFT practitioner and have the pleasure of teaching small kids in the local school to tap as well as all the teachers. i also offer EFT sessions to the teachers, on any issue that might have a negative impact on their work as a teacher, as well as preventing sickness and burnout .
This is the first time in Denmark, that such a project has been approved an paid for officially.
The way I have introduced the tapping to the children has been this way:
I went to http://www.tappingplay.com and played the tapping song for the children several times. The beautiful and sweet young girl singing melted their hearts. I sent the link to the song to the parents on a request from the children, and this opened the door for this “weird” technique, as everybody was moved by the song and the sweetness.
I tried to get an allowance to translate the song into danish, but due to copy rights it was not possible.
Each morning when the school bell rings the children sit down on a mat on the floor in front of the teacher or a child for 3 guided tapping rounds. The children are only encouraged to tune into how they feel in that moment. We start tapping from head and down silently.
When tapping under the arm saying: “I deeply”
moving on to top of head: “and completely”
hugging themselves: “love myself”.
My experience is that the children love to guide their classmates through the tapping sequence. – When the teacher expresses gratitude for the technique for bring relief and calm and more to everyone, and the children see the calming impact the tapping has on a stressed teacher and how they feel better after tapping, not many words are needed.The children have brought tapping into their homes and the feedback from parents are amazing. Such an easy tool to bring so much ease to difficult situations in daily life.
I am now looking forward to bring tapping to the teens in school, and to what else is possible !