Q: I am worried that if I say negative phrases I will bring negative things into my life. How can I use EFT without having to use negative phrases?
I receive this question a lot. To answer it we need to look at what is happening when we are tapping and how the words we say impact our success while tapping.
It is important to remember that what we are saying is much less important than what we are feeling when we tap.
The words we say while tapping are not magic.
What is important is where our focus and attention is when we are tapping. If we say, “this pain in my knee…this pain in my knee…” over and over again when we tap but we are thinking about everything that needs to be done once we finish tapping, then the knee isn’t going to feel better.
It is not the words but the focus.
This plays itself out in some interesting ways when we say both positive and negative phrases. To understand this let’s look at a weight release example. Let’s say the client wants to lose 40 pounds but is stuck because of the fact he has failed before and is worried that he will lose the weight only to gain it back again.
Positive v Negative Phrases
There are two ways to approach tapping on this issue.
First, we could address the fear of losing weight only to gain it back again head on. We would tap saying something like:
I have failed before at losing weight…and I’m worried that I will fail again…every time I lose the weight it creeps back…this time will be different…not only do I have a plan to lose the weight…but I have a support system in place…to help me keep it off.
Second, we could decide that we are only going to tap on the positive:
I am going to lose weight…I am going keep the weight off…I am going to look awesome…I am going to feel so much better.
All of these statements are great things to be tapping on, but what is being said is not all that is going on. Every time one of those phrases is said out loud if there is any part of the system that doesn’t believe the phrase to be true, the critical voice will speak up to voice its objections. It might go something like this:
What is said out loud: I am going to lose weight.
What the internal critical voice says in response: And then gain it right back.
Out loud: I am going keep the weight off.
Critical voice: No you aren’t. You failed before and you will fail again.
Out loud: I am going to look awesome.
Critical voice: Only for a short period of time.
Out loud: I am going to feel so much better.
Critical voice: And then the weight will come back and you will feel like crap.
You can see that when we only focus only on the positive and there is a part of us that doesn’t believe the positive statement, the negative will show up.
The good news about this that it doesn’t matter if we use positive or negative phrases because either way we will find our way to tapping on the issues needing attention.
Which Should I Tap On?
The question becomes “Should I use positive or negative phrases while tapping?” For me, the answer is both.
If I recognize a specific limiting belief or block, like the fear of gaining the weight back, my tapping will be most effective if I go right at that issue.
At the same time when I state the goal I want to achieve in the positive I will find my way to self talk and limiting beliefs that I didn’t know existed.
I recommend when tapping to alternate between both positive and negative phrases so that you get both of these benefits.
Gene,
I have read so many articles on EFT and I enjoy reading you best. I feel personally that you ‘get me’. I read you and it sounds like what’s in my head. I want so much to devour this material but something keeps me from diving ‘all in’ and I don’t know what it is. I guess it means I should look into the Self Sabotage, huh? THANKS for all you DO!!!!!!
Respectfully and gratefully,
Eileen
I think we need to tap with negative statements because we need to address the Shadow. For many years I used only positive affirmations before I learned about EFT. It is true that when one avoids the negative, one does not address all the critical “writing on the walls.” When you try to suppress the negative, it is like the elephant in the room. One does have to acknowledge it in order to deal with it.
Yes that’s a very valuable point there is much to be said for tapping the positive however also it’s the shadow that really does need to be embraced and thus embracing the negative is healing and can begin to heal the denial and let go of the attachment to that lessening its power and hold over us .For it is very common for people to kid themselves that just focusing on the positive will “clear it up”let us remember if it wasn’t an issue we wouldnt need to be tapping on it would we now ?? It’s been my own personal experience and having met and observed many others that the more the shadow is denied and repressed the more it does and will run a muck in your life .Its the process of finding and experiencing it as “too uncomfortable”that makes people run away from these thoughts feelings etc .But if we are to become whole by stopping and not running from our shadow side we paradoxically move and shift much quicker and you can choose and decide to be Real and then you can really get this genuine sense that you own your life experience and that’s scary yet exciting and by no longer deluding yourself as you did you come to a place where you aren’t scared of your feelings etc and others inwardly know this and feel your strength and by embracing all that you are your then ABLE and WILLING to be there for others .Try it some time you’ll be amazed at how fast you can get out of your own way.
I’m searching for help. I tried tapping from another website two nights ago, and I’m afraid I tapped out positive emotions instead of negative. I tried it for the first time last week and was able to forgive myself for an event that took place years ago, and I tried it two nights ago to try and solve my other problems, but I believe I made them worse. I have felt frozen, numb, and apathetic for two days. There’s no color in my face. I almost feel like I have blocked out years worth of memories. Is it possible to focus on the wrong emotion and be stuck with negative results? Is there anything that can be done to reverse it? I would really appreciate any help possible. I’m very fearful for my mental health. Thank you so much.
Thanks for your question…There can be reasons that our system is keep “negative” memories from the past from being accessed. This can be a protection mechanism. Just because you can tap on something on your own doesn’t mean that you should be working on your own. I would encourage you to find your way to a trained profesional that you trust and work with them when you find something this big that you can’t work on on your own.
Dear Meghan, tapping by yourself is excellent for dealing with rather simple negative emotions you wish not to carry with you on a daily basis. When it comes to try and deal with past memories or traumas you usually need the help of a professional practitioner. I can tell you that I am an EFT practitioner (AAMET Certification) and when it comes to my own problems – I get help from another practitioner. I therefore suggest you take Gene’s word from above and find a pro EFT practitioner in your area to help you with your problems. GOOD LUCK!