Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #166 EFT For Loneliness

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Tapping For Loneliness
I am always humbled at how willing my clients are to share some of the most private parts of their lives.

Once we have established a trusting relationship, during sessions I hear it all. And that’s a really positive thing because it makes it easier for me to help them because we know what we are going after.

But even with that being true, loneliness is an issue that my clients find difficult to talk about.

As we become more emotionally intelligent it is easier for us to be honest about where we are coming from, yet loneliness feels like the last emotion that we can be open about.

Loneliness feels like such a failure. Especially when we feel it in a room full of people.

Here is some tapping that you can do to help with the ache of loneliness.

I would love to hear how it works for you.

Pod #165: Using Hero Tapping To Take Action

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HERO TappingWe know that when we are trying to make a change but not taking the required action we need to find out what is behind our resistance.

We can ask ourselves what the penalties are for trying, for failing, and for succeeding. But sometimes these questions aren't helpful in discovering why we are resisting taking action.

When that happens to me I use this three-step version of hero tapping. Hero tapping is a handy tool where we use the example of someone doing what we want (aka the hero) to discover the reasons we are resisting stepping into action.

In this short audio I will show you how easy it is to use hero tapping to discover the reasons you are resisting taking action for both big and small goals.

I would love to hear about your experience with this tool.

When You Explain Cause And Effect Wrong It Makes Your Life Harder

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ThisDidNotCauseThat

When I am listening to my clients talk about their issues I am not just listening for the meaning of what they are sharing, but I am also listening to the very specific words they are using.

The words we use to describe something will impact the way we understand a situation which then in turn impacts our emotional response to the situation.

The example I love to use is when my client “Deb” said “Everyone at work hates me!”

I asked, “Really, everyone?”

She replied, “No. It's really just Dave and Sue.”

You can see the emotional difference between “everyone” hating us and just two people hating us. (And that doesn't even get into if they really do hate Deb.)

For this reason I pick apart my clients’ speech pattern to understand what is really going on vs. what they are responding to emotionally.

Cause And Effect

One of the places we commonly make the mistake of using words that do not line up with reality is in cause and effect statements.

We use cause and effect statements all the time.

  • (cause) Because I was late (effect) I missed out on the sale.
  • (cause) Because I didn't return her phone call (effect) she didn't know I was coming.
  • (effect) I can now legally work with clients (cause) because I passed the certification exam.
  • (cause) I forgot to close the shades (effect) so I didn't sleep in because of the sun coming in the window.

That is not too complicated. The problem comes when we start making statements that aren't accurate in describing their cause and effect relationship.

  • (effect) Thing went wrong this morning (cause) because it's Monday.
  • (cause) Smoking (effect) causes cancer.
  • (effect) I don't have a girlfriend (cause) because the men in my family are bad at relationships.

On the surface all three of these statements seem reasonable, but there are logical flaws in all of them which illustrated with a question or two.

Thing went wrong this morning because it's Monday. Do things go wrong every Monday? Do things not go wrong on other days of the week?

Smoking causes cancer. Does everyone who smoke get cancer?

I don't have a girlfriend because the men in my family are bad at relationships. Are all men in your family bad at relationships?

In all three cases the statements work in absolutes which lead us to react emotionally to situations in a particular way. But when we are able to see the statements for what they are then we are able to react in less emotional fashion.

Ask Questions About The Extremes

The way that we put this knowledge to use is to question our own statements. If there is something you are struggling with write down a statement that describes what you believe about the situation.

Once you have done this start to question it at the extremes. Is it really always this way? Is it really never this way? Does this outcome happen for other reasons?

By doing this we can see things more clearly which will help us to respond in a healthier way.

Pod #164 EFT For The Times It Feels Like It Is Too Late And There Is No Hope

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It's Too Late For MeWhen working with clients I have noticed that people often believe change is possible and they believe EFT is the tool that will help them to make that change…but they don't believe it is possible for them.

They tell me stories of how they have made too many bad choices, their family history runs too deep, or their habits are just too ingrained.

Over and over again I have heard them say, “It's just too late to change.”

When a part of us doesn't believe it is possible for us to change, it’s very difficult to transform because we don't want to waste effort.

We think, “Since this isn't going to work out in the end why would I bother putting forth any effort to make change?”

And when this happens it is obvious that nothing will change.

Here is a tap-along audio for when it feels like you are too far gone and that transformation just can’t happen for you.

Download it. Listen to it again and again. Each time you tap through it you are creating a little more room for hope. Hope is key to taking action.

Pod #163: EFT For Responding To Criticism

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Responding To CriticismDealing with unwanted criticism is hard.

It’s painful in the moment because the attack feels personal, and it often is. After the fact it tends to fester and gnaw at us.

It would be great to believe that we are able to see past the criticism and understand the motivation of the person making it. But it can and does hurt.

And if we aren't willing to deal with that hurt, it will get worse.

Even if you haven't been criticized lately I would encourage you to spend some time with this audio because, if you are like me, there is a piece of criticism that you are still carrying with you.