Back in May there was a research study published on how tapping impacted the physical and emotional symptoms of menopause and perimenopause.

The crux of the work was based on a single question.

The question was so powerful I ended up creating a simple tapping tool based on it. (That tool is still available for only $10 here.)

In the intervening months there were two other situations where people talked about how powerful the question was. The interesting part (at least to me) was the fact neither of the people shared the question with me were tapper.

Instead they found the question a powerful framing device even without tapping.

This week in the podcast I share how I use the question and how it has transformed my tapping sessions.

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The One Question That Transforms Your Tapping Results: What Does This Mean to Me

Recently, I introduced one question to the beginning of my rounds of tapping, and it has transformed the results I am getting. Today in the podcast, we’re going to talk about that question, why it is so powerful, and how you can add it to your tapping as well.

Once Is an Anomaly, Twice Is a Coincidence, Three Times Is a Pattern

There is an old saw that I use with my clients all of the time. As with all clichés, there is some truth in there, and we don’t want to overdo it. The statement is: once is an anomaly, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern. That’s an oversimplification of what it’s like to navigate through the world and have experiences, but there’s some really useful truth inside of it, and it sits on two ends of the spectrum. On one end, it helps us recognize that just because something has happened once, we don’t want to over-index on that and assume it’s always going to be like that. At the exact same time, we want to pay attention to patterns, to things that happen over and over again, so we can learn from them.

The Menopause and Perimenopause Tapping Study

A number of months ago, back in May, I came across a research study where tapping was being used to help women who were experiencing menopause and perimenopause. Not only was the tapping useful, it was useful for physical things and emotional things. It was helping them with their sleep, and it was improving their immune system. So I wanted to dive in deeper.

When a study like that is presented to the public, there’s an abstract, which is a high-level description that says this is what is going on, these are the results, this is what we’re doing next. But it doesn’t explain the nuts and bolts of the study. So I ponied up the $45 or $50, whatever it was, to actually buy the research study, because I had to know what these researchers were doing that was so powerful. And I was shocked, because the researchers were doing one thing. They asked a single question, and then based on the answer to that single question, they tapped for 45 or 60 minutes. They did that four times, and they got the results they were looking for.

So I created a little bitty resource based on that. I made it available to my list because, given my age, I have lots of women in my life who are experiencing exactly those symptoms. I created it, shared it, and they loved it. That was the end of it, or so I thought.

Neurodivergent Experts Bring Up the Same Question

Right now, I am getting ready to run another summit the first week of December. This one isn’t a tapping summit. It’s a summit for the neurodivergent community, which is something I live inside of and have a lot of passion for. Over the course of the last couple of months, I’ve been interviewing absolutely amazing experts who are part of the neurodivergent community or serve it. In the course of these conversations, with people who are not tappers, two of them, unprovoked, brought up the exact same question. They weren’t using it to lead off tapping. They were using it to make it easier to navigate their day and to understand what was going on.

Adding the Question to the Beginning of Tapping

I took that as a cue. Not once, not twice, but now three times: this is a pattern, and I should investigate it. I added it to my tapping. The question I’ve added to the beginning of my tapping is: what does this mean to me?

In the menopause study, the question was, what does menopause mean to me? When I was talking to my friends who were dealing with various symptoms and issues that go along with neurodivergence, it was, what does neurodivergence mean to me? What does distraction mean to me? What does overwhelm mean to me? What does my brain working differently than everybody else’s mean to me?

Why Meaning Drives Our Emotional Response

The reason this question is so powerful is that our response to our lived experience is not about what is happening. It is about the meaning we write onto what has happened. I can have the exact same outcome on two different days, and one day it’s great and the other day it’s a disappointment. I could have an appointment canceled and be really disappointed because I needed that appointment. Or I could have an appointment canceled and be really excited because it means I get to do other things on my to-do list. So it’s not about the appointment being canceled. It’s the meaning we give to it.

The Same Words Can Carry Different Meanings

Those meanings aren’t just practical, either. The exact same phrase can be said in two completely different contexts, and all of a sudden we give it a different meaning. Think of the phrase “look, honey.” We could be in a circumstance where it’s “oh, look, honey, look at this,” or it could be “look, honey.” Exact same phrase, but in one circumstance it feels tender and caring, and in another it means “look, honey, look what’s going on here.” Same phrase, but the context changes the meaning. Our emotional response is to the meaning, or at least the meaning we are giving it. There have been times where someone has said something to me meaning one thing, and I’ve heard it as something else, and that’s where my emotional response came from.

Meaning Sits Behind Every Struggle

This is true with all of the issues we deal with. The issue is that I’ve lost work, and the meaning is that I’m going to struggle financially. The issue is that I am physically injured, and the meaning is that I am losing mobility, I am losing freedom, this is the beginning of the end. Plans get canceled, and the meaning is that I’m not important to those people because they canceled. So it’s not the facts about the circumstance. It is the meaning we give to those circumstances, and that is where the emotional struggle is. Once we recognize that, it gives us a new avenue into the work we do when we are tapping.

How to Apply the Question in Three Steps

The way you apply this is really simple.

Step One: Tune Into the Issue

Tune into the thing that is going on that you want to tap about. Super easy.

Step Two: State the Facts as You Know Them

They said no. I approached them for help and they’re putting me off. I would like to do this, and I can’t do it today. I tripped and fell, my knee hurts, and I can’t sleep because of that. I’m just stating what is going on.

Step Three: Ask What It Means to You

This is where it gets really powerful. Ask yourself the question: what does it mean to me? Or what does it mean that they did this? What does it mean that I don’t get to do this? What does it mean that this is happening in my life? That question gets to the heart of where the emotional charge is.

Journaling the Meanings While You Tap

When I’m doing this, like always, I’m tapping with a pen and a piece of paper nearby. What does this mean to me? And I just start journaling. It’s going to mean missed opportunities. It’s going to mean it’s too late for me. Some of those meanings are practical, but some of them are about what this says about me, and some are about what this says about the world. When we train ourselves to recognize the meaning, we start to recognize where the emotional response is coming from. And when we understand where the emotional response is coming from, that’s the moment we get to figure out whether it is a proportionate emotional response and whether it is a well-informed emotional response.

Aiming for a Proportionate, Well-Informed Emotional Response

For those of you who aren’t used to that vocabulary, in my teaching about tapping, the emotions are not the problem. There are times where sadness is the appropriate response, anger is the appropriate response, frustration is the appropriate response. I’m not trying to leave the negative emotion. I want a proportionate, well-informed emotional response, and that’s what tapping does so well. Asking what this means to me points to the emotion, where we get a chance to decide whether or not it’s proportionate and well-informed. Then we tap on everything we wrote down.

A Personal Example of the Question at Work

Last Thursday, I used this question on something going on in my life and tapped for about 25 minutes, and it was one of the most profound tapping experiences I have had in months and months. I did the tapping on Thursday. Saturday morning, something went wrong, and I sat there waiting for the emotion to show up. I was waiting for the visceral response that always comes after something like that. Not only did the emotional response not show up, there was just this space of peace. I thought, wow, look at that. Intellectually, I knew I had been overwhelmed by this particular circumstance days ago. It’s been a long time since I’ve had tapping that has been that profound and that deep, and it came down to asking that one question: this is what is going on, so what does this mean to me?

Alternative Questions When “What Does It Mean” Is Hard to Answer

In the beginning, it’s going to be hard to answer that question because you’re not used to thinking about it that way. You’re used to thinking about the facts, what’s going wrong, what’s going right, and how it’s going to get worse. If “what does it mean” isn’t working for you, ask what the consequences of this are. Ask what story it is saying about you. Ask what other people are saying about you because they took this action. When we do that, it slowly and gently uncovers the stories that are driving the emotional response.

Tapping Transforms the Stories That Create Our Emotions

Ultimately, that’s what we’re doing with tapping. We’re tapping to transform the stories that dictate the emotional responses. Tapping does not transform our emotions. Tapping transforms the stories that create the emotions. And when we transform the stories, our emotional response transforms alongside them.

Try the Question the Next Time You Tap

So give that a try. The next time you’re tapping on something that’s a little bit big, name the issue, name all of the facts, and ask yourself the question: what does this mean to me? Or what is this saying about me? Jot down your answers and tap on them. It will make a huge, huge difference.ur answers and tap on them. It will make a huge, huge difference.