• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Leave A Tip

EFT/Tapping Q and A with Gene Monterastelli - Emotional Freedom Techniques

  • Learn EFT
  • Podcast
  • Videos
  • About Gene
  • Work w/ Gene
  • Archive
    • Every Post Ever
    • Q&A
    • Podcast
    • Videos
    • Tools
    • Tap Along
    • Sessions
  • Store
  • Contact Us

Archives for October 2018

Pod #335: Making Tapping A Part Of Your Daily Routine (Most Common Question Series – Part 1 of 5)

October 31, 2018 By Gene Monterastelli 1 Comment

Note: This is part 1 of 5 in the Most commonly asked questions series. Make sure you check out all 5 parts.

When someone joins my mailing list, one of the two questions I ask them is, "What is the biggest issue you have when it comes to tapping?"

When I started asking this question I expected to receive lots of answers about specific topics or issues that are particularly hard to deal with. I do get a lot of these types of responses, but a good 25% of the responses say something along the lines of, "I know tapping works, but I just don't do it."

This week I have for you three simple steps you can take that will transform tapping from this thing you beat yourself up for not doing, into something you reach for every day. (Full transcript of the audio can be found below the player.)

Support the podcast!

Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

PLEASE NOTE: Below is a slightly edited transcript of the audio. I speak in a more casual way than I write, so the following might be a little less precise than some of my other writings. Even though this is far from perfect, many people prefer a written version over the audios and this is the easiest way for you to get the same content in written form.

I would be willing to bet that when people tell me the most common struggle that they have with tapping 25% of the time the response is, I just don't reach for tapping. I know it's a useful tool, but I never seem to be able to do it.

Today, what I'm going do is I'm going to share with you three things that will make it much easier for you to make tapping something that you regularly reach for, and reach for in the moment when you are struggling, and turning it into a routine so it happens more and more often. We know it's so useful, and if you know it's useful, and you don't do it, then it becomes really easy to start beating yourself up, because you are missing opportunity, and you are wasting time.

Here are some things to keep in mind that will make it much easier for you.

Number one, create a new habit. It takes time for us to get into a space where something becomes habitual, and the reason that is, is that when we do something over and over again, we are creating neural paths for doing that activity, but it takes us doing it a certain number of time before it becomes something that is habitual.

You'll hear people often quote that it takes between 14 and 21 days to create a new habit, and there's a really amazing study that leads us to that. The details of that study aren't super important at this point, but just know that it takes time to do it.

As an analogy, think of it kind of like a path. If you were walking through a field in which you've never walked through before, after you walk through the field, we might be able to see your footsteps, we might see the grass that's matted down, but a few hours later there might be no recollection of that as all, as the leaves of the plants have regained their strength, and stood back up again.

But, if you walk that path over and over again, slowly that path becomes more trodden. It's easier to see because there are remnants of the path, and it actually creates space for you to move through. That's basically what happens inside of our brain. The more we do something, the deeper the path becomes, the easier it is for us to fall into that. Think about putting on a pair of pants, you always put on a pair of pants one leg first, and the other leg second, just because of that habit, and you don't think about it. It's just the steps that happen.

Here are some easy ways to make something a habit.

Number one is, to do it at the same time. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that you are going to do it at the exact same time, at 6:47 every single day, but to do it at the same point in your day consistently. For example, you might choose to do it after you brush your teeth in the morning. The exact time you brush your teeth in the morning is going depend on when you get up, and what your day looks like. For me, I get up depending on the day as early as 4:00 in the morning as late as 8:00 in the morning, but I still brush my teeth as one of those first few steps in the morning, so the exact time isn't important, but the time within my day is important.

The second thing is, to do it in the same location. That if you do it in the same location, that location starts to remind you of that task. It becomes anchored in. It's a time of day, it's a location that makes it easier for us.

The third thing to do, and I've already mentioned it, is to attach it to a habit that you already have.
Starting a new habit from scratch is difficult, because you're having to think about it, and do it from willpower until it becomes that habitual thing. If we're attaching it to something that you already do, then it becomes easy to do.

One of the ones I use the most often is the example I already gave, which is brushing your teeth, because almost all of us do that every single day. Most of us do it at least twice a day in the morning, and in the evening. It's something that we're already connected to. For me, I spend some time stretching every single morning, and I spend some time on my foam roller just because I have a better day when I do that, and so, tapping is a really natural thing to attach to that thing. If there's something that you are doing every day already, tap after it, or before it, because that habit is already installed.

Number two is to do it earlier in the day. When we're creating a new habit, it is requiring us to use willpower to do that. It's a conscious act of our will to do this thing that is not regular. Willpower is a limited resource. As the day goes on, you're using that willpower to make all of the choices throughout your day. What you're going to have to lunch? What you're going to wear? What order you're going to do tasks at work? And, because that is the case, you're putting yourself in a position where it becomes more difficult to navigate all of these things later in the day, because you have spent that willpower.

That's the reason why when you create a new eating plan, breakfast is really, really easy, and dinner, and after dinner is really hard. It is because you have expelled all of that willpower throughout the day, and it becomes harder, so if you're creating a new habit. The earlier in the day you do it, the more likely you are to be able to make that conscious choice. By doing it over and over again, we start deepening that path which makes it a habit.

Number three is to initially to only do it for a small amount of time. I think of my clients who decide that at new years they're going to get themselves in shape, and to get themselves in shape. They're going to work out three times a week for 90 minutes. That is a huge ask, because what you are doing. You are asking yourself to find four and a half hours to do something that you weren't doing before. I don't know about you, but I don't have four and a half hours just lying around in my schedule where I can throw in something new.

When we choose a large chunk of time that we're going to try, and do, it becomes really difficult, because of the amount of changing we have to do the rest of our lives to accomplish it. It would be great if you were in a circumstance where every single morning you were going to spend 30 minutes tapping, and that's what was going to happen. Because finding 30 minutes every single day becomes a difficult thing for something that is not habitual, it makes it hard to do.

Start with a small amount of time so that the habit becomes you are tapping every single day. Then once that becomes a habit, then you can expand the amount of time that you're tapping every single day, because the habit is already installed.

The second thing you can do is to set the goal of tapping every single day around the amount of time you are tapping, not the amount of progress you are making.

Sometimes when we tap it can go really super fast, and we can go really super deep. I was working with a client on Friday, and we were supposed to tap for a half an hour, and after about 11 minutes we had done really profound work around money, and family, and a bunch of stuff, and she was done. We had just completely wrung her out, and doing more work wouldn't have been useful.

There are other times where I can spend 45 minutes on an issue, and I don't see this real tangible progress. I know I am doing work, and I'm undermining the belief system, and I'm making it easier for me to see the world in a new way, but there's not this immediate tangible results inside of that session.

Even though both of those sessions happened, and they're both valuable, our emotional response to them is different. 11 minutes profound work, 45 minutes, boy it just feels like I'm scratching the surface. If your definition of success is based specifically on the outcome, then it becomes really easy to become frustrated.

When you're trying to integrate tapping, and to make it happen more often, say I am going to tap for this many minutes, set a timer, and then you are successful, because I know if my goal is to tap for seven minutes every single morning, I can achieve that. I can find seven minutes in my morning. I can find an issue to tap on for seven minutes. I can execute it for seven minutes.

Some days those seven minutes might be absolutely amazing, and absolutely transforming, and other days not so much. But because you are doing it every single day, you are making a habit out of it, so the goal being the amount of time not the amount of outcome makes it easier for you to persist, because you have been successful even if there hasn't been world transforming changes.

Three, make tapping every single day a non-negotiable. That no matter what happens today, this particular thing is going to happen, and what I have found in my life is, typically, I can only have two, maybe three non-negotiables.

That doesn't mean I have two non-negotiables in my personal life, and two non-negotiables in my health, and two non-negotiables in my work. No, I have such a limited amount of willpower. They're only two things that hell or high water I'm going to do those things. When I'm working on those things, sometimes I might be doing it at 11:45 at night before I'm going to bed, but I've said this is a non-negotiable, this is something I'm going to do every day.

If you do those three things, 1) go through the steps that I laid out on how you can create a habit, 2) as you're making that plan, choose the amount of time that you're going to tap, not the amount of progress you're going to make, and 3) make it non-negotiable. This is something I am going to do every single day.

If you do these three things over the course of the next couple of weeks, you are going to be in a circumstance where tapping every single day is something that happens, that becomes easier, and easier for you to use.

Two great things will come out of that. One, you're going to tap a lot more, and two, you're going to be in a circumstance where you're not going to be beating yourself up for not tapping regularly, so you get a bonus both directions.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Most Common Question Series

Pod #334: What If You Don’t Believe Tapping Works?

October 24, 2018 By Gene Monterastelli 1 Comment

One of the main reasons that people say they don't tap is because of their belief that tapping won't work. This is a reasonable concern. Tapping is weird and it does seem unreasonable that tapping on the body can provide healing and relief.

When I have encountered this resistance in the past, I've asked the person who doesn't believe in tapping if they would be willing to tap on the fact that they don't believe it will work.

And a funny thing usually happens…they are willing to tap on their disbelief in tapping.

You will notice in the first paragraph above I wrote "one of the main reasons that people say". I used the word say very deliberately. Sometimes people don't tap because they don't believe it will work and sometimes they say that to mask the real reason they don't want to tap (such as fearing success, not wanting to get to the root cause, or because of the secondary gain of keeping the issue).

This week we explore why you don't tap and how to tap for not tapping. (Trust me, it will make sense and it will work!)

Support the podcast!

Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

There's a part of me that doesn't believe that tapping will work…It just seems too weird…There is no way that tapping on my body should improve my physical and emotional health…There is no way that something that looks so silly should work…Even if it has worked for other people…There is a part of me that doesn't believe it will work for me…Even if I've had success in the past…There's a part of me that doesn't believe that success will be long-lasting…I appreciate the fact that I don't want to do something silly…I appreciate the fact that I don't want to waste time on this…I give myself permission to trust the process…I give myself permission to try…Even though there's a part of me that doesn't believe it will work…I recognize the fact that the worst thing that could happen is that I'm going to waste a few minutes and look a little silly…Even if tapping only works one out of 20 times…It is worth looking silly for a few moments…It's OK for me not to believe in this…It's OK for me to doubt…Nothing will go wrong if I try…And it won't make my issue worse…The worst possible outcome is just wasting a few moments…I waste a few moments all the time on silly things…I might as well waste a few moments hoping I will be healthier…I appreciate the fact that tapping works even when I don't believe in it…Tapping is a mechanical process that does not require my belief…I give myself permission to try…I give myself permission to know it is OK that I don't know exactly how to do this…I give myself permission to step into this with a hopeful frame of mind…Even though I don't know if it will work…Investing a few moments and trying to be healthier is definitely worth a try.

Filed Under: Podcast

Pod #333: The Tapping I Do To Start Each Day

October 17, 2018 By Gene Monterastelli 2 Comments

Recently I have been asked by a number of my clients about what type of daily tapping I do.

My own tapping falls into three main categories:

The first is a practical approach where I do some tapping for every task on my to-do list. I covered this process back in Bonus Pod #46

Second, when I have a clear idea of the exact issue, emotion, or limiting belief I'm experiencing, I use one of the 13 tools that can be found in Advanced Anger Management. As I have stated before, the book isn't really about anger, but working towards good emotional health. Download a free copy via the link above.

Third, every morning, right after I have made my first cup of coffee, I spend some time tapping using the Set-Up Phrase Generator. The Set-Up Phrase Generator is a little piece of software that you can access free of charge from any web browser.

Access the Set-Up Phrase Generator here: http://EFTSetupPhraseGenerator.com/

BUT before you do that, listen to this week's audio where I explain how it works, why I use it and hear me tap in real time, and then you will be ready to use it most effectively for your issues.

Support the podcast!

Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Filed Under: Podcast

Pod #332: Sharing Generational Healing with EFT

October 10, 2018 By Gene Monterastelli 1 Comment

Back in podcast 292 I chatted with Mark Wolynn about how we are starting to recognize the way that trauma can be passed on from one generation to the next through our genes.

Recognizing that some of our issues have nothing to do with our own experience is useful because it offers us a new way to approach the work we are doing with tapping. In addition to the genetic component of trauma, our emotional understanding of our issues is also influenced by the generations before us.

I have seen this time and again with my clients where they feel it is unsafe for them to heal these family patterns. The thinking goes like this: the trauma we are feeling unites our family and if we choose to heal this trauma, then we are abandoning our family. Healing our trauma means risking breaking an important family connection.

This week we look at how we understand generational trauma and the sense of family connection it creates, helping us to recognize when we are sabotaging our healing.

I have also included a tap-along audio that will help you to recognize that it's possible to heal these generational issues AND do honor to your family.

As always, there is a printable version of the tapping script below the audio player.

Support the podcast!

Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

I recognize the fact that some of the issues I am facing are related to issues that generations before me have faced…And because these issues have been around for so long…There's a part of me that is identifying with this problem…There's a part of my family that's taken its identity in this problem…I am worried that if I take the time to truly heal this…I will disconnect myself from my family…And I'm going to say I'm better than my family…That I'm going to be leaving them and this identity behind…Because they are stuck in this and I no longer am…But I choose to recognize the fact that healing my wounds does not disconnect me from my family…Many who have come before me have worked hard to give me a chance at a better life…So I don't have to stay in this place…Healing these issues is not disrespecting my family…Healing these issues is doing honor to my family…I'm acknowledging what they have done to put me in this position…To do this healing today…I recognize the fact that this healing isn't only about me…It's also about all those who came before me…I choose to take this opportunity to pass this healing back and share it over the generations…I recognize the fact that this is an opportunity for me to heal myself…I recognize this is an opportunity to share that healing with others…My healing is an opportunity to share with all those who came before me.

Filed Under: Podcast

Pod #331: EFT For The Many Faces Of Grief

October 3, 2018 By Gene Monterastelli 1 Comment

It makes sense that we would feel grief and sadness after the death of a loved one.

But this is not the only time that we experience grief. The emotion of grief is our system telling us that we are missing or disconnected from something or someone that is important to us.

This could be the end of a relationship, a missed opportunity, or when we realize that we have wasted valuable time by not acting sooner. These experiences create genuine grief, but because our definition of grief may be too narrow, we can miss the opportunity to tap for it.

An emotion that goes unaddressed can simmer beneath the surface and cause us problems later on in life.

This week we are going to tap for the shades of grief we experience that aren't related to death and dying. As always, below the audio player is a script that you can print out and use anywhere.

Support the podcast!

Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

I don't like feeling grief…I don't like feeling sadness…Because those emotions are about being in contact with…And focusing on…And dwelling on something I am missing…I'm paying attention to something lost…I don't like being reminded of loss…I hate seeing opportunities that I was hoping for have passed me by…I'm hurt by the time I have lost because I didn't take action sooner…The sadness that I am feeling is simply pointing out that loss…It is simply pointing out what has been missed…And because of the nature of sadness…It is often lurking in the background…And because it is not the primary emotion that I feel…I miss it…In this moment I give the sadness permission to have full voice…In this moment I give the sadness permission to be heard…It is good to acknowledge what is lost…It is good to acknowledge what I'm no longer connected to…It is good to acknowledge the things that have been missed…But I don't have to stay stuck in what is missing…I don't have to stay stuck in that longing…I don't have to stay stuck in the sadness…I give myself permission to hear the sadness and let it go…I give myself permission to experience the grief and release it…Even though things have been lost…Even though opportunities have been missed…Even though time has been wasted…I can move forward in a healthy way…I can remember what is lost without being stuck in this sadness…I can say that what is lost is still important and let go of the grief…I don't have to stay in the grief in order to learn from the past…I don't have to stay in the grief to say what is lost is important…The sadness has done its job…I can be in this moment and be fully present…Knowing what is important to me…And not be stuck in the sadness.

Filed Under: Podcast

10 Steps To Stop Self-Sabotage

Get your FREE 10 step guide to using EFT to stop self-sabotage in your life.

Get My 10 Part Guide!

Search Tapping Q & A

Meet Gene Monterastelli

GeneMonterastelliGene Monterastelli is a Brooklyn based EFT practitioner who in addition to work with clients and groups regularly writes and records about how to use the tapping to move from self-sabotage to productive action.
Gene's Full Bio & Services

Subscribe via: Apple Podcasts| Google Podcast | Android Phone | Spotify | Alexa | Stitcher | TuneIn | RSS
Visit The Complete Podcast Archive

Apple App | Google/Android App

This not just an EFT for Anger book. The contains some of the most comprehensive set-by-step tapping tools that can be used for all emotions and can be added to your tapping tool set right away.

For every book purchased 4 inmates will also receive a copy of the book.

Paperback | Kindle Version
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Copyright © 2019 · Refund Policy · Terms of Use· Privacy Policy

Get My 10 Part Guide!