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Archives for September 2018

Pod #330: If everything is getting better, why do I feel worse?

September 26, 2018 By Gene Monterastelli 2 Comments

Recently I was talking with one of my clients. She has been doing an amazing amount of transformational work in her life. Personally, professionally, and emotionally everything was better, but she was struggling.

The basic thrust of our conversation was "I know everything in my life is getting better, so why do I feel worse?"

On the surface this might seem like an odd situation, but it happens a lot more than you would think.

Much of it comes down to the fact that there are different types of problems and not all of those problems are created equally. We always start with the most pressing problem first. For example, if you think terms of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we will worry about food and shelter before we worry about living a life of purpose or a fulfilling career.

The same is true when we are dealing with our emotional life. We start with the most pressing needs, such as feeling safe in the world, and then we move on to higher level needs, such as issues of self-esteem and self-worth.

As we move up the levels of needs, the more abstract the problems become. There are practical steps towards the basic need of trying to make myself feel safe, whereas the path to loving and accepting myself is less clear.

Because this is the case, as we move up (as in my client's case where her life is getting better), the issues become more abstract and we have less control, so it can feel like things are getting worse.

This week I have for you a deeper dive into these concepts, which will make it easier for you to recognize when you are experiencing this in your own life. I have also included a tap-along to help you to move through the feeling that your life is getting worse, when in truth it is improving.

As always, I have included a printable tapping script below the audio player.

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I recognize the fact that I am in process…I recognize the fact that this is an evolution…As I do my work…I am getting better…I'm getting healthier..But because of the nature of healing…It is very easy for me to miss the progress that I am making…When I heal I stop noticing the issue that I just healed…My focus goes to what is unhealed…I don't get the opportunity celebrate what I have just healed…Because my system has already moved on to the next issue requiring my focus and transformation…And because of this…I can actually feel worse…Because the types of emotions I am tuning into are different…These emotions cut more sharply…They are now emotions that cut deeper…They are no longer practical problems with obvious solutions…They are deep, emotional problems…And these types of problems weigh on me in a different way…I give myself permission to know that it is OK to feel like my issues are getting worse right now…But at the same time…I actually know that it is not getting worse…I am getting better… Even though my emotions are focusing on what is still wrong…I give myself permission to trust myself…I give myself permission to trust the process…To know that even though it feels bad in this moment…My life really is improving…I am moving forward…And mistakenly believing that it is actually getting worse…Is a perfectly natural part of the process…I recognize that it is OK to feel this way…As I keep moving forward…As I keep healing…As I keep transforming my life.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Healing, Process

Pod #329: EFT For Jealousy Of Other People’s Success

September 19, 2018 By Gene Monterastelli 2 Comments

Jealousy is such corrosive emotion.

It makes us think ill of others. It makes us feel bad for ourselves. I don't know about you, but it leads me to make poor and rash decisions.

The worst part of jealousy is feeling the emotion about someone else, but having to deal with its negative consequences.

Recently, I was at a professional training event and was so overcome with jealousy of the person presenting on stage that I could barely think straight.

I was able to do some tapping in the moment to clear my head, but I realized that it was a big enough issue that I needed to deal with it in a deeper way. Over the next few weeks I spent some time every single day tapping for jealousy and all the other feelings around it.

This week's tap-along audio is one of those tapping sessions, with the tapping script also available in a text version.

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I recognize the fact that I am capable of jealousy…That sometimes I am consumed by the emotion of jealousy…When I see someone with what I want…There's a part of me that thinks it is not fair…They get to have what they want…And I don't…They are getting something that I feel I deserve…But do not have…The feeling of jealousy comes from a place of wanting more for myself…It comes from wanting better for myself…My jealousy has very little to do with the person I am jealous of…It has to do with how I see myself…About how I understand my own experience…About how I believe people notice or don't notice me…I give myself permission to know…That even though jealousy is an emotion I don't want to feel…It is just a part of me fighting for better in my own life…But it is showing up in a way that isn't useful…It is showing up in a way that isn't helpful…And it feels so uncomfortable…Because on top of the jealousy…I also feel embarrassed about feeling jealous…I see jealousy is a sign of weakness…I see jealousy is a sign of pettiness…I see jealousy as me not seeing who I truly am…And not seeing what I am truly worth…But as much as I hate feeling jealous…I choose to know that I don't have to be embarrassed about feeling that way…The jealousy is just information about me…It is information about my experience…It is lets me know that I still need to work on my own self-esteem…It is information about my understanding of my own self-worth…And as much as I hate feeling jealous…I give myself permission to be easy with myself…I thank my experience for pointing out the areas where I need to grow…I can release my embarrassment because I appreciate the information that is coming from the jealousy…I can release my jealousy because I now know what I need to work on…And as much as I hate feeling jealous…I can appreciate that a part of me wants better for myself…That a part of me wants fairness and justice for myself.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Jealousy

Pod #328: How And Why Your Past Experience Impairs Your Ability To Heal

September 12, 2018 By Gene Monterastelli 1 Comment

One of the reasons that the human species survives is because of our innate ability to learn. Every time we experience something new, we have the opportunity to learn how the world works and how our fellow humans react to a certain set of circumstances.

With each new experience, we are able to make subconscious comparisons with prior experiences. New information means we are able to update our understanding of ourselves and of the world we inhabit.

There are two problems with the way that we learn. First, we sometimes learn the wrong lesson. Because we may not fully understand a situation, we draw inaccurate conclusions. Second, at times we are presented with new information that conflicts with our old lessons and beliefs, so we choose (consciously or unconsciously) to ignore the new information.

This conflict means that sometimes not only do we not accept new information about ourselves and the world, but it actually gets in the way of our transformation.

In this week's podcast I share with you:

  • How we build our understanding of who we are and how the world works
  • The pitfalls that this creates in the moment as we take action
  • How this slows or halts our ability to heal
  • How you can tap with this knowledge so you are no longer hindering your progress

Below the audio player I have included a tapping script for the tapping that we do at the end of the audio. I encourage you to listen to the full audio before tapping to the script because an understanding of the context for the tapping will make the tapping itself more powerful.

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I have picked up a belief about myself or the world that is not useful…It actually makes my life harder day to day…And as I acknowledge this is no longer useful…I'm not blaming myself for picking up this tool…I am not blaming myself for picking up this belief…When I picked up this belief…I thought it was something that I thought would truly serve me…I'm also not blaming the people who gave me this belief…They were doing the best that they could when they were teaching me…I also do not blame them because they might not have realized they were teaching me in that moment…They were doing the best they could and I was learning lessons from that…I give myself permission to let go of this belief…Because it is a tool that is no longer useful to me…I now recognize a more useful way to navigate the world…I now recognize more useful way to respond to my problems…At some point in the future…If need this belief again…I'm allowed to pick it up again…But if I choose to pick it back up…I will do so consciously because it is useful…It's also possible that I will never pick up this belief again…I acknowledge that the beliefs about myself…And about the world…Are picked up with all good intention…But they are no longer useful now…When I picked them up in the past…I was doing the best that I could…Letting go of them now is the best that I can do right now…It is okay for me to let go of these experiences…It is safe for me to let go of these beliefs…What is most important is not my past…But instead what I choose to believe right now…I give myself permission to believe what is useful right now.

Filed Under: Podcast

Pod #327: EFT for Believing In Yourself

September 5, 2018 By Gene Monterastelli Leave a Comment

It can be difficult to remain focused on doing the work to improve your life. Sometimes you are pushing forward without seeing any progress. Sometimes the goal seem so far away that it is impossible. AND sometimes we just feel alone on the journey.

When we are trying to improve our lives it's common to feel that the people around us are unwilling to do the same, and may even be resistant to the  fact that we are changing and growing our own. This can make the work of transformation to feel lonely.

This week I have words of encouragement to keep you going, even when you feel alone. Because the truth is you are not alone. It might feel like it, but there are many thousands of people who are on healing journeys, just like you.

This week we tap to know that we aren't alone AND that the work we are doing in our own lives makes it easier for others, and the work others are doing is clearing a path for us.

(Below the audio player you will also find a text version of the tapping script.)

Support the podcast!

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Sometimes I feel like I'm alone…The people around me don't understand the work that I'm doing…They do not understand the healing tools that I'm using…To transform and heal myself…Some of them are not interested in change at all…When I am surrounded by people who do not care…It's easy to lose my motivation…Because I feel like I'm alone…I feel like no one understands me…I feel like I'm the only one who cares…But even if I'm in a situation where the people closest to me don't care…I know that I am not alone…There are people all over the world working to heal and transform themselves…There are people all over the world trying to make the world a better place for themselves and for others…Thousands of others are tapping along to these exact same words…Thousands of people are looking for a similar type of transformation…Even if I don't know them personally…We are on this journey together…The effort that they are putting in to make the world a better place is also impacting my world…My tapping and energy is impacting their lives as well…Even when I feel alone…I know that I'm not alone on this journey…I give myself permission to keep putting forth the effort…And I choose to keep trying…Knowing that there are others who want me to be successful…Even if I don't know them personally…Each small amount of effort that I put in contributes to the greater good…I trust that my efforts are useful…And I know that I'm not alone in this work of transformation and healing.

Filed Under: Podcast

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Meet Gene Monterastelli

GeneMonterastelliGene Monterastelli is a Brooklyn based EFT practitioner who in addition to work with clients and groups regularly writes and records about how to use the tapping to move from self-sabotage to productive action.
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