I need to warn you upfront: This article may come across as a little harsh.

I don’t mean to be harsh. I don’t intend to be mean. But this is a really important concept we need to keep in mind.

The fact is simple:

Our loved ones want us to transform and have a better life as long as they don’t have to change too.

It’s not that they don’t want good things for us. It’s not that they don’t think our progress is a good thing. It’s not that they don’t want the best for us.

The fact is there is something happening under the surface that makes it hard for them to support our change.

They Aren’t Doing It Consciously

I want to be very clear. In almost every case they are not doing this consciously. The people who truly care about you DO want better for you.

They want you to move forward. They want you to heal. They want you to achieve your goals.

The problem comes when our change impacts their lives.

In each of our relationships there is a whole set of unwritten rules of what we expect of each other, which have been crafted over time through experience.

When we change these expectations will no longer be met.

For example, let’s say that you have a friend who always calls you when something goes wrong so they can vent their emotions. After much thought you decide as part of moving forward in your life you need to go back to school.

Now that you are in school you have less time and don’t pick up the phone every time your friend calls. It is not that you don’t care, but you are busier.

From your friend’s perspective (more that likely in an unconscious way) it feels like you no longer care because you aren’t picking up the pieces of their life and they start to resent you.

Your moving forward has transformed the relationship and it is possible that they feel hurt and left behind as a consequence.

Our loved ones want us to transform and have a better life as long as they don’t have to change too.

Difficulties in our relationships with loved ones can arise because their lives are changing in an unexpected way.

Our Transformation Doesn’t Happen Overnight

It is important to remember that your change and transformation didn’t happen overnight. Usually healing our past issues is something that happens gradually.

I like to think of the healing process like a sprout bursting from the ground in the Spring. The growth seems to have happened overnight but in reality the hard work of the growing has been taking place beneath the surface for weeks.

Many times when we are healing issues we put in the hard work of transformation for many weeks or months before the change from the healing shows up in our life.

For us, change is a process of gradual unfolding. But for our loved ones, our change can seem like a sudden event, which can catch them off guard.

They Will Catch Up With You (One Way Or Another)

Just because things might be hard at first in our relationships when we change doesn’t mean that it will always be this way.

Our relationships are constantly being renegotiated and expectations changing. In time all of the relationships in our lives will catch up with our transformation.

In almost every case this will make our relationships better in the long run. (And it is true we might lose some of them along the way if they can’t catch up).

This Fear Can Hold You Back

Because we realise that the people in our lives will resist our transformation it is common and understandable for us not to take action because we don’t want to deal with the possible repercussions.

When we recognize that is one of the reasons we hold back our own change then it becomes a tappable issue.

Looking For Help Tapping For This Issue?

Over in the Ruach Center we have over 20 tap-along audios dealing with resistance to taking action based on how others will react to us changing.

There over 200 resources in total in the form of tools, tap-along audios, tapping scripts, and classes. Full details here: Ruach Center.