EFT/Tapping Q and A with Gene Monterastelli - Emotional Freedom Techniques

Archives for January 2011

My Favorite Thing My Clients Say During a Session & How You Can Use It To Accelerate Your Healing

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photo by Karen Eliot

I love working with clients. I have learned so much from them. When working with them my favorite thing for them to say is, “I know this has nothing to do with it, but…”

Before we get to that, let’s take a step back.

One of the problems we face when working with an issue is we can get caught in our own story. It is very natural for us to want to know why we are the way we are. This can make it easier to manage what is going on. If we see a cause and effect, then it can give us an entry point to understanding how we can heal.

For example, I was working with a client who had a fear of snakes. When he was 9 years old his older brother threw a snake into his sleeping bag while he was trying to get to sleep. In this case it seemed very reasonable to start our Emotional Freedom Technique/tapping with that memory.

There are other times when the reason we feel the way we feel might not have anything to do with the issue we are working on. We might have an issue speaking in front of a group of people and we are convinced that the reason we have this issue is because when we were 8 years old everyone laughed at us during show-and-tell, therefore speaking in public is no longer safe.

It is perfectly possible that this memory is the root (or one of the roots) to the reason why public speaking is so hard. If we put ourselves in a position to believe that it is the reason for the issue, then we are going to spend a great deal of time on this one memory and not make any progress with our issue because it has little or nothing to do with the issue at hand.

This brings us to my favorite phrase that my clients say. We will be working along at an issue. We will take a moment for them to take a deep breath and consider the progress so far. Out of nowhere my client will say, “I know this has nothing to do with it but . . . ” and they will share a story, memory, or feeling about someone else that up to this point may seem completely unrelated to what we are working on.

The reason I love this SO much is because there is a reason that this came up now. When we are focused, our mind doesn’t have a tendency to wander unless there is good reason. If my client says it has nothing to do with what is going on, more than likely it has everything to do with what is going on.

This does not mean that we need to abandon the path we had been following up to this point with the issue, and it does not mean that this new piece of information is the only piece of information that is important. It is just something that we need to pay attention to.

If you yourself or one of your clients are tapping on an issue and something comes up that seems to have nothing to do with the issue at hand, don’t dismiss it. Instead, take some time to thoughtfully consider why that sort of issue would come up. Just because it has come to mind doesn’t mean that it does in fact have something to do with the core issue that you are after, but there is a reason that it has come forward. If you don’t know why it has come to mind just ask, “Boy, that is an odd thought. Why did that come to mind right now? What does this have to do with the issue at hand?” You might be surprised at the healing you and/or your client will be able to find your way to.

Bonus Pod #16: Tapping With A Client On Mindless Eating – Sessions Audio

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One of the most powerful tools in my learning as a practitioner has been listening to other practitioners working with real clients on real issues. When I am working with a practitioner it is hard for me to follow the process because I am intensely engaged in the emotions around the issues at hand. Similarly, when I am working with a new tool I am so focused on what the client is saying and what I need to do next, that I can miss some of the process. When I am able to take a step back and just listen to someone else working, I am able to see what they are doing, and to start understanding why they are doing it.

In this unique audio you have the opportunity to hear me working one-on-one with a real client, and also to hear the reasons why I am making the choices I do. Every so often you will hear me break into the session to explain my thought process at that moment.

This audio is only the first 1/3 of the session. If I included the whole session the podcast would last almost 90 minutes.

Tapping Q & A Is Expanding It’s Offerings!!!

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photo by Jeremy Brooks

A number of you have commented on the subtle changes that have been happening at TappingQandA.com. I haven’t talked about them yet because I wanted to make sure I had worked out the kinks first.

Now it is ready!

I am adding some premium services to the site!

Does this mean that if I don’t become a member that I am going to see less free content at TappingQandA.com?

NO! This is simply an upgrade to the regular site. Every Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday a new article, tap-along audio, or podcast is going to show up on the site. As always there is no charge for any of these resources. Also, the entire archive of past articles and podcasts is there for you to check out. (Right now there are over 300 articles and podcasts available. By the end of 2011 there will be over 430 free resources on the site!)

If you are adding stuff, what stuff are you adding?

I am adding three services: tap-along, sessions, and premium.

Tap-Along Members will receive access to:

  • The ability to download a commercial-free version of the Monday Tap-Along audio. Non-members can only hear the audio in their web browser and there is a 60 second commercial that you must listen to before you can tap.
  • A printable transcript of the Monday Tap-Along.
  • A bonus downloadable tap-along audio on Thursdays (plus printable transcript). This is an audio that non-members can’t hear on the site.
  • Printable transcripts of podcast interviews.
  • One bonus podcast per month for members only.
  • Special members-only discounts for digital tools and one-on-one sessions.

Sessions Members will receive access to:

  • Each month sessions members will have access to two audios. The first audio is of me working one-on-one with a client. The second audio is the session a second time, but I interrupt the audio every few minutes to explain what I am thinking, what I am doing, and why I am doing it.

Premium Members will receive access to:

  • All audios and downloads from the Tap-Along Membership.
  • All audios from the Sessions Membership.

What is the deal with the Sessions Membership?

This is the part that I am most excited about! I have been working on this part of the membership since early in September. In my own training I have learned so much from watching others working with their own clients. Being able to take a step back and watch the process is such a great way to learn.

AND this isn’t just for practitioners. Much of the stuff I have learned by watching and listening to others work has been applied to the work I do on myself. This week’s podcast is a short example of this type of audio so you can hear first-hand what it is going to be like (Link below).

Are you going to offer transcripts for new podcasts only, or are there going to be transcripts for past podcasts as well?

Right now the plan is to eventually have every podcast in the archive transcribed. My team of transcribers are working their way backwards through the archived podcasts. Right now the transcripts for podcast 48, 49, 50, and 51 are up (and each is over 10 pages long). Each week, in addition to the transcripts to the new podcasts, we will be adding transcripts of archived podcasts.

Let’s get to the nitty-gritty…How much does it cost?

Both the Tap-Along and Sessions Memberships are only $7.95 a month.

The Premium Membership (Tap-Along + Sessions) is only $11.95 a month (which is a 25% discount off the combined prices).

How do I sign up?

Simple, just sign up here.

What if I have other questions that you didn’t answer here?

Just ask!

Round Up – What is one thing you wish your clients believed about themselves?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

What is one thing you wish your clients believed about themselves?

That they are perfect the way they are. They are beings of light and love who have created their universe. Some of the things they created they have outgrown and so they no longer like creations. But that does not mean that they are broken. All it means is they have to put their attention on creating what they want their life to be like.
Chip Engelmann

That they are worthy. I get a lot of clients that come to me with a particular issue like wanting to go for a new career etc but it soon becomes apparent that they do not feel worthy of the things they desire (new career, love, happiness).
Mel

“I wish they would accept that they are the “story tellers” of their life and they establish the illusions and then place themselves into each story perfectly to learn a new lesson each time. If they could accept that, they could then tell different stories and learn different lessons which I believe would be more beneficial for them.”
Ted Robinson

That persistence is sometimes the key.
Alina Frank

One thing I wish they believed is that it’s OK to ask for help or use EFT yourself as a first resort instead of the last resort. I wish they believed that bucking up is being unnecessarily hard on themselves. In our culture, suffering is highly overrated!
Janet Hilts

That they understand the amazing resiliency of the human spirit. Having worked with hundreds of clients who have managed to function in daily life when they have experienced horrendous tragedy just blows me away – and I’m humbled to be able to help them experience emotional freedom from their past as a gift of the courage and strength they have already demonstrated.
Rod Sherwin

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

Is It Weird If I Say “Is it weird if I . . . ?”

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind, thereby giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]


photo by Hernán Kirsten

Sometimes the words we use to describe a problem do not prove to be helpful in the process of us getting what we really want or need. Here is a perfect example of asking the wrong question about our situation and how we can easily change the question to make a big difference.

When asking for advice, one of my clients, “Cathy” almost always starts off by querying, “Is it weird if . . . ?” For example:

  • Is it weird if I stop doing online dating?
  • Is it weird if I like to eat out alone?
  • Is it weird that I want to change jobs in such a tough economy?

The questions as listed above are about what is normal and what is not normal, AKA “weird.” The problem with these questions is that they set us up to become unnecessarily subject to how the world perceives our choices. In other words, these questions do not leave room for decision-making that is based on what is best for us.

Many times in my life I have done things that the world would see as weird (e.g., leaving full-time computer science, getting rid of everything I owned and living out of my car for 18 months, dying my hair blue). In most of these cases where I have done things that are not normal it has worked out for me.

I am not saying that we can simply ignore what the world thinks is normal. There is often some wisdom in normal. It is weird to eat glass for breakfast, drive the whole way to work in reverse, and listen to ABBA. However, whether something is normal or weird simply can’t be the only question being asked to see if something is right.

A much more useful way to start these questions is to ask, “Is it in my best interest in the short and long term for me to . . . ?”

Yes, that is a little wordy, but you get the idea. By reshaping the question we are now moving from what is culturally normative to something much more important, what is best for me.

The transformation looks something like this:

  • Is it weird if I stop doing online dating? If you want to find a mate yes. One in five relationships start online
  • Is it right for me stop doing online dating? Yes. I have given it an honest effort. It is just too much work right now and I am not meeting the type of person I want right now. Maybe it will be right for me in the future.
  • Is it weird if I like to eat out alone? Yes, eating out is about being with others. Eating out alone seems sad.
  • Is it right for me to eat out alone? Sure. I haven’t had time to shop this week, I love this restaurant, and I am an introvert and get energy from spending time with my own thoughts.
  • Is it weird that I want to change jobs in such a tough economy? Yes. You should be grateful for what you have. Others are struggling.
  • Is it right for me to want to change jobs in such a tough economy? Yes. Just because it is hard over all doesn’t mean that there isn’t something better out there for me. Wanting better for myself is not wanting worse for others.

Remember, it is not about what the world thinks, but about what is best for you.