Tag Archives: Self Esteem

I want you to image you are meeting someone for the very first time. They know nothing about you. You have to describe yourself to the another person, but you can only use one word descriptions.

What words would you use?

Father, wife, grandson, teacher, loving, hopeful…

It is amazing the power that labels we give ourselves can have over us in how we act. In this interview I chat with Brad Yates about the positive and negative identities we create for ourselves and how we can use tapping to transform the way we see and define ourselves.

Sometimes we can spend so much time and energy taking care of others that we can lose ourselves in the effort. When can get to the place where our identity gets wrapped up in taking care of others. This can be a dangerous way to define ourselves. Here is a short tap along audio to help you see yourself for who you are, not for what you do for others.

One of the hardest phrases for my clients to say is, “I love and accept myself.” (And it can be really hard from me sometimes as well.) There is a feeling of skin crawling that goes along with that phrase. Being able to love our selves is at the heart of healing and transformation. When we love ourselves we are able to be easy with our selves and be easy with the process of healing.

Often times we don’t feel comfortable making our own life easier. We think: Others have it so hard. We should have to work for a good life. It is only worth something if we struggle for it. I have wasted good chances before I would I get easy now?

When we are able to recognize that we are worthy of a better life then we can move to a place where we can start working towards a better life. As long as we think it is something we are not worthy of then we are never going to move forward.

One of the things I have struggled with over the years is accepting compliments. They made me feel uncomfortable. They made me feel judged. They made me feel like I needed to point out the things that were wrong with me. Over time I have learned that it is okay to take a compliment. It gives me a chance to recognize that I am good at something. It gives me a chance to recognize that others also see the things I do well.

“It is healthier to recognize we are desperate for attention than to deny we are. ” R. Hudson

We all want attention. We want attention from our loved ones. We want attention from new friends. We want attention from people in power. It is okay that we want attention. However, it becomes dangerous when we start to judge our worth and value off of how much attention we get from others. In the end it is healthier to recognize we are desperate for attention than to deny we are. When we recognize the types of attention we want and why we want them, then we are able to move to a healthier place. If we deny that we are craving attention then we are going to keep acting out to get it, but doing so in a very subconscious way.

It is very easy to miss the progress we are making because we only notice the emotions we are feeling right now. When we take the time to recognize the progress we are making it will help us to be appreciative of our progress and keep us motivated for more.

We are told (and may even believe) that we need to love people unconditionally. This can be a really hard thing because the people in our lives are flawed (just like we are). They make poor choices and they sometimes hurt us. Unconditional love does not mean that we approve of others’ choices and it doesn’t mean we have to take whatever they give us. Unconditional love is about recognizing the worth and value of others. When we do this we are able to make the choice we want to make in creating ourselves to be who we want to be. (And yes . . . this is hard!)

A few years ago I was on retreat with Russ Hudson. At the beginning of the three days he said, “Who I think I am will die in this process. What I lose is my illusions.” Many times the transformation process isn’t about becoming something new, but instead it is about seeing ourselves in new ways. It is possible for us to get caught up in an old image of ourselves when we should see ourselves in new ways. This is also true about how we perceive our situation. It is possible for the world around us to have changed in dramatic ways and we can still be operating out of an outdated understanding. A perfect example is when many generations of a family get together. Even as fully formed adults, people quickly fall back into old roles and patterns. As always, it is much easier to see this in others than it is in our own lives.

“There are those who work all day. Those who dream all day. And those who spend an hour dreaming before setting to work to fulfill those dreams. Go into the third category because there’s virtually no competition.” Steven J. Ro”