I hate being wrong. I pride myself on making thoughtful choices and I work really hard to make sure I consider the best course of action and all the possible outcomes. That doesn’t mean that I expect myself to be perfect before I act (which is a different issue), but that I am really hard […]
Over the last few weeks I have done a lot of writing and recording on guilt and shame.
There have been two reasons for this. First, they have come up a lot in client calls as of late. Second, because they have been coming up so much for my clients I have been reflecting on them a lot in my own life. As I have stated before, shame is the emotion I find the hardest to deal with and the most debilitating.
When I am working with clients one of the things I keep in mind with all behavior is that when someone makes a choice they are making the best choice they can make based on the information they have and the resource state they are in.
We can quickly realize that we have made a bad choice (something in a split second after we have acted), but in that moment we are really doing the best that we can.
The problem comes when we are working for a place of fear. When this happens we will make lots of short term choices and very few long term choices. This can create a series of many bad choices.
Over time these choices add up and we can end up in a place where we no longer trust ourselves or trust our ability to make a good choice.
In this interview I talk with Andy Bryce about what are the underlying causes of losing that trust in ourselves (such as guilt, shame, and lack trust) and how we can turn that around.
It is very important to spend time doing self-forgiveness work. If we do not forgive ourselves then we are never going to move forward because we are going to be an emotional prisoner to the past. When we refuse to forgive ourselves then it is like we are reliving the past moment over and over again.
There are many steps to this process, but one of the concepts I always talk to clients about is the difference between feeling guilty and regretting what happened.