EFT/Tapping Q and A with Gene Monterastelli - Emotional Freedom Techniques

Archives for January 2012

TapAlong #30A: Being Judgmental Of Others

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Wayne Dyer said, “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

I am much more judgmental of others than I would like to admit. I think I am a kind person. I think I give others the benefit of the doubt. But there are times when I judge others too quickly. I don’t do this because of who they are, but because of who I am. Often when I am judging others it is because they remind me of something in myself that I don’t like. I don’t like to be judged and I am going to work on being less judgmental.

Tapping Ninja Video – A Question You Have To Ask Yourself When Looking For What To Change

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Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Video Transcript

Hi! This is Gene Monterastelli, the Editor of tappingqanda.com and welcome to another Tapping Ninja video. We call them Tapping Ninja videos because these are simple small techniques that you could add to your tapping protocol to make your transformation and your work more effective and last longer.

Today what I’d like to offer you is the most important question I ask myself and the question that I ask my clients. The question is simply this, how is it working for you? Now this can be applied in two ways. First we can apply to the work that we’re doing with tapping or any other protocol and second, it can be applied to the choices that we’re making in our daily life.

Now when it comes to looking at the way that we do work, tapping is something that’s really, really malleable, it’s something that we can try in lots of ways, it’s something that we can add protocols to. We can add NLP. We can add guided imagery. There’s lots of things that we can do. And so the question comes, what am I suppose to do and how am I suppose to use it? Well, it’s very simple. How is it working for you?

You can try a new tapping technique. You can try a new protocol in under 60 seconds. Maybe if you’re really uncomfortable saying the phrases and the words out loud when you’re tapping, and maybe you want to give yourself a pass and you want to do it quietly in your head because you know that that might work. Well, how is it working for you?

Now you do that for 15 minutes or you do it for a single round of tapping, when you’re done, how does it compare to your normal tapping? Did make it easier? Did you make more success? Were you more comfortable because you weren’t having to say uncomfortable things out loud? If that’s the case, great, it worked for you. But it’s also possible because you haven’t said anything out loud, you’re not tuning in as sharply as you once did because to create words requires a certain level of focus. And so it might be more comfortable while tapping, but the amount of progress you make just disappears, so it’s not really working for you.

So when you’re looking at a new way to tap or something that’s going to make it more comfortable, how is it working for you?

Secondly, the question is really when it comes to looking at our own life. It’s a question I’d like to ask my clients when they’re defending their actions or thinking it’s the best way for them to act. How is it working for you?

If it’s not making any progress, then it’s obviously not working or if it’s keeping stuck, it’s obviously not working. We all know the cliché definition insanity. It’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. But often times, we don’t think of the pattern that we’re repeating and so by asking the question, how is it working for you? It’s going to help us to evaluate what really is working and what isn’t.

I’m angry all the time. Well, how is it working for you? When we start to look at what it’s doing, then we can evaluate different opportunities and different chances because we have something to compare it to. But we need to recognize the pattern that’s there in order to change it. And one of the ways to see that is to look at the outcome. How is it working for you? It’s a simple question but if you ask it, it’s going to help you to reframe, you need to recognize the change that needs to happen and I need to dive a little deeper.

For Tapping Q and A, this is Gene Monterastelli. I hope you enjoyed this little tip and hopefully you will come back and join us soon. Bye-bye.

Talking Emotions and Tapping With Kids /w Jondi Whitis

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I want to talk to my kids about their emotions and to teach them to tap, but I don’t know how to start. Do you have any recommendations?

I love tapping with kids, but not everyone is as comfortable as I am working with them. I had a chance to chat with Jondi Whitis of TappingStar about how to talk to kids about emotions, tapping, and what adults can do better when talking to kids about their emotions.

I hope you enjoy this interview!

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You Have No Choice! Just Give-Up Right Now!

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind, giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]

photo by Alberto G.

With my day job I spend a lot of time talking to high school kids about the choices they make. When talking about their lives they often use the phrase, “I had no choice but to…” I hear it from my clients as well. “I had to. I had no choice!”

  • “I had no choice, I just couldn’t get out of bed.”
  • “I had no choice, it was the best job I could find.”
  • “I had no choice, everyone else was going.”

Those statements sound logical, but that is not “no choice.”

That is “in the short term with the least amount of risk, effort, or thought it was the easiest thing for me to choose.”

We can see the same thing when people talk about their identity.

  • “I had no choice, the men in my family aren’t good at sharing emotions.”
  • “I had no choice, you know how hot tempered we Irish are.”

Again, that is not “no choice”.

That is “it has always been that way for the people around me and it is easier for me not to fight the pattern.”

“No Choice” Stops All Movement

The moment we say that we have “no choice” then we are done.

We stop thinking, we stop trying, we stop moving forward, and we stop dreaming. Because if there really is no choice, why bother? We are assuming things are suck therefore consciously and (more importantly) unconsciously we are going to stop trying.

Owning Your Choice

Don’t get me wrong. I think it is OK to make any of the choices that are listed above as long as they are the choice we want to make.

  • “I really felt under the weather and exhausted. I knew I was going to be a grump and was going to do really poor work so I choose to stay in bed.”
  • “I had been looking for jobs for months and it was the only thing I could find that paid the bills. It is not my dream job and it really doesn’t pay enough, but I was exhausted and heartbroken and for the job search I needed to get back to work so I chose to take the job.”
  • “I didn’t really want to go to the party, but everyone else was going and I didn’t want to be alone or seen as an outsider.”
  • “The men in my family are traditionally really bad at talking about emotions and I am choosing this as my reality as well.”
  • “Everyone in my family talks about how hot tempered the Irish are and I am choosing this as my reality as well.”

 


When they are phrased this way we may or may not (more than likely “may not”) like who we are becoming in these choices, but because we are making them as choices we are back in control.

When we see our actions as choices and not as predestination then we are regaining control. We see where we stand and what we can change (if we are willing to put in the effort).

Tapping Your Way Out Of No Choice

Whenever I hear myself saying “I have no choice…” I try to catch myself. Here is a way to tap when we are feeling like we have no choice:

Right now I feel like I have no choice…It is not that I don’t have a choice…But I am feeling overwhelmed by what is going on…I am overwhelmed by what has happened in the past…I am overwhelmed by past patterns and expectations of others…It is not that I don’t have a choice…But really I am falling into the choice that is the easiest and takes the least effort…It is okay if I make this choice…If this is the choice I really want to make…I give myself permission to make the choice I want…As long as I know it is my choice…Not someone else’s choice…And that I am willing to take responsibility for my choices…Because they are my choices…They are not someone else’s choices…They are my choices…I have a choice…I am going to take responsibility for my choices…

What are the things you used to think you had no choice about? Where has naming choice helped you to regain control of your life? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #71: Using Metaphors For Healing w/ Rue Hass

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When I am setting up interviews for the podcast I normally ask my guest, “What is the thing that really gets your juices flowing? It doesn’t have to be what you are known for. I want to know what is exciting you right now!” Once we have agreed on a topic the guest sends me a few bullet points to help me to form questions.

When I was having this back and forth with Rue Hass she said, “This is something I am really excited about and it is so new to me that I can’t even send you an outline.”

I love getting to be a part of new things!

In this interview Rue shares a new technique that she is working with which uses metaphors and having clients draw pictures. It is absolutely brilliant. The technique is simple and elegant and as she was describing it I could see immediately how this could fit into my practice. I know you are going to love this.


Rue Hass

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Info: IntuitiveMentoring.com, rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself, and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Make sure you check out all of Rue’s guest articles and podcast on Tapping Q and A.

What do you think about Rue’s new approach? How have used metaphors (not just pictures) in your tapping? What is your favorite healing metaphor? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!