As time passes I am increasingly working with clients on building their own practices. There is a real feeling of “try it on everything” in the Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping community but as we move from helping our friends with headaches and cravings for chocolate to working with clients, we need more than just a willing spirit. In this interview EFT Master Carol Look speaks frankly about two key issues to keep in mind when you are starting a practice.
[Read more…] about Pod #33: Two Keys To A Thriving Practice w/ Carol Look
Archives for April 2010
People Might Not Like It When We Change
I have been using tapping for the last six months and love the results. One thing I have noticed is that my family is not excited about my change at all. Some of the members of my family even resent it. Is this common and is there anything I can do about it?
photo by Jeremy Brooks |
At first I was amazed at the number of times that I heard stories like these from my clients. As time has passed I have come to realize that not only is this a common occurrence, but it is something that makes a great deal of sense.
Every relationship that we have is a co-creation. Inside of this relationship there is an exchange of some sort. What I provide to the relationship is different from what my friend is providing and that is great. It wouldn’t be a great deal of fun to have every relationship be exactly the same from each side. If that were the case every relationship we have would just be in relationship with ourselves.
For example, in the teacher/student relationship the teacher is getting a chance to share wisdom and knowledge and the student is getting a chance to learn. In a marriage the wife might be the encouragement to help the husband peruse bigger things and the husband might be the calming force in the wife’s life.
[Note: I have a feeling the way I am talking about relationships might not be sitting well with you. This might seem like it is too much of a transaction and less of a loving relationship. I agree I am talking about relationships is very base terms here. I am only speaking in this way to understand why others struggle when we change.]
Every relationship not matter how big or small there is a give and take. Even if it is in very subtle small ways there is an exchange. In most cases is it not a clear cut set of roles and in most cases we don’t even think about it.
When we change we change the basic nature of many of the relationships that we have. For example when the student has learned enough they are going to move on from the teacher. This is not a dismissal of the teacher or the teacher’s knowledge, but an acknowledgement the dynamic of the relationship is now different. In some cases the relationship ends while other times the nature of the relationship changes as they be come peers.
On change is not preferable to another. It is just a nature of relationship. Each relationship has it own time and season. Some people pass through our live briefly, other pass in and out and back in again, while still others just keep changing and evolving with time.
As we are going through change work, cleaning out the wounds from the past, and evolving into more complete people the relationships in our lives are going to change. Because we are different people we are going to need different things and we are going to provide different things from our relationships.
Let’s look at an extreme example. That’s say we start this process we a very low sense of self esteem. Because of this we let a number of our family members walk all over us and take advantage of us because we are not willing to stick up for ourselves. When they take advantage (and may times this is happening subconsciously) they are able to get us to tasks they don’t want to do or they might get to feel better by putting us down.
After working with a practitioner a number of times we have been able to improve our self esteem to the point that we are willing to stand up for ourselves and we are no longer allowing ourselves to be talked into doing tasks for our family members when we don’t what to.
It is very easy to see how our family members (again in a subconscious way) would not like the fact that we have made this change because they are no longer getting us to do stuff for them and they are loosing a chance to feel superior.
Most of the change we are going to go through is not going to be this dramatic, but every change we make is going to change the way we interact with the world, therefore causing the expectations of the people in our life to no longer be met.
All of this happens in a very subconscious way. Our loved ones are not thinking to themselves “You have changed and your are no longer giving me what I want out of this relationship.” Instead they are simply noticing their needs are no longer being met and therefore they are going to be angry.
What I have just explained here is a major piece of resistance many people have to making change in their life. They have made small changes in the past that they have felt the backlash from their loved ones. Because this has happened in a subconscious way they are going to prevent change in the future because they don’t want to deal with this again.
There are good reasons to not change in this moment. How your loved ones are going to react to that change in most cases is not a good one.
You are worthy of change. The way they choose to react to that change is their choice. It is not your responsibility. They are responsible for their emotional state.
I share this information for two reasons. First, it is good to notice if you are preventing yourself form changing because you fear how others will react to the change. Second, it is helpful to be able to name why people are so resistant to your change. It will help you not to take is personally, but instead see that they are struggling with their own emotions and it is not something you are responsible for.
Here is some tapping you can do around this issue:
I know I want to change…I am worthy to evolve…I want my life to be richer…I want to be healthier…I want to be whole…I understand that there are people in my life who don’t want me to change…they might say they want me to change…they might even believe they want me to change…but on a subconscious level there is a part of them that wants me to stay the way I am…because when I stay the way I am they don’t have to make any changes to their life…therefore some of them are going to fight the changes I am making…and they are going to be angry at me for making those changes…I don’t want to cause pain in other people’s live…but that is NOT what I am doing here…the people in my life are responsible for their own emotional state…they are the ones who are creating that…I am worthy of change…I am not going to stop my change because it makes others uncomfortable…my evolution is too important…I give myself to permission to change…in my change I might even provide a model for those in my life that they can change too…I am not responsible for my loved ones emotional state…I am responsible to my true authentic self.
The Reason For The Weight (9 of 10)
[Note: This is part 9 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]
photo by Wilson Bilkovich |
The extra weight exists on the body for two basic reasons. The first is the most obvious. When the body takes in too many calories and the system can’t burn them fast enough we hold the energy as fat in the body to be used at a later date. There two basic steps to dealing with this sort of weight: regulating the caloric intake (type and amount) and maintain the body in such a fashion that it is more efficient in burning calories.
This is why I think it is very important that if you are choosing to go through a weight release program that you are receiving proper exercise and nutrition advice that meets your needs based on age, body type, body condition, and disposition. I firmly believe to improving the bodies health it is both/and proposition. We need to take care of the emotional issues as well as the physical issues.
Please seek guidance and information for a trained and reputable source.
The second reason the body won’t release weight is because the weight is serving a very particular function. I have clients who have changed their diet and exercise only to have their physical body not release any weight. As we have talked about in a number of the articles in this series, if the body thinks something is useful it is not going to change. The body’s only goal is to do what it thinks is best. Often times when we are holding weight it is because if believes the weight is serving us.
For a detailed examination of some of the specific reasons weight is held in particular parts of the body please see Weight and Emotion.
Even when we have an idea of why the body thinks the weight is useful (based on information from region of the body it is held or some other belief) I find it best to ask the system why the weight is there and what purpose it is serving.
When I am doing weight release work with clients this is one of the first things that we will do. The process is very simple. I would encourage you to tap from point to point as you are doing this process.
1) Ground Your Self
To begin with take a few deep breaths and just tune into your physical body. Because we live much less labor intensive lives from previous generations we are much less in touch with our body. Hours can past without giving our body any conscious thought. Feel yourself in your body.
2) Give Thanks To Your Body
Our bodies are really amazing things. It is a community of over 3 trillion cells working harmony. So much is happening at every moment from digestion to circulation, new parts are being built while others are being repaired, and intruders and harmful elements are being eliminated. All of this happens without us thinking, but all of these functions are necessary for us to do all of the things we enjoy in life.
Revel in the amazing system that your body is. Give thanks for all it does. Pay attention to how your body responds to this affirmation. It will surprise you.
3) Tune Into The Weight
In the same way that you tuned into your full body, do the same thing for the extra weight you have not released. Simply notice where it is and how it feels.
4) Give Thanks For The Weight
Remember, the body thinks the weight is necessary and is holding it for a very specific purpose. We might be happy with the outcome and it might be holding for a reason that isn’t helpful, but the fact that the body is trying to do its best for us is good to recognize. We are not thanking the weight for its tactic and we are not thanking the weight for the outcome. We are thanking it for trying to do its best for us. You might tap on something like this:
I know this extra weight is not healthy for me…and I know I would like to release this weight…but I want to give my body thanks for trying to keep me safe and healthy…the body believes this weight is serving a purpose…and is only holding the weight for good reason…this weight is nothing more than energy…all matter is nothing more than energy…that is being held is a solid state…the body must be working really hard…if it is able to hold that much energy…in a solid state…it must be working really hard…because it thinks it is doing the best for me…I am thankful it is willing to work so hard…even if the outcome isn’t what I want…I believe I can transform this powerful force in to a new tactic…that will produce an outcome that is helpful to me.
Pay attention to how the weight responds to this. Again, it will be surprising
5) Ask The Weight Why It Is There
It is that simple, just ask. If it gives you an answer you don’t understand just ask a follow up question. Here is a list of reasons I have heard from clients.
- If you are fat you won’t attract unwanted attention.
- If you are attractive they are going to want to get to know you, only to be let down by who you really are.
- If you lose weight you will move forward to quickly.
- If you lose weight your family will think you think you are better than them.
- People always steal your energy and emotion. This is to protect you from the emotional vampire.
That is a very incomplete list, but it gives you an idea of what might come up. This information will give you insight into the emotional roots preventing the weight release, giving you lots of fodder for your tapping sessions.
6) What If You Get No Information Back?
That is okay. If you get no information back tap on something like this:
It is okay that the system didn’t give me any information about why the weight is there…I know there are lots of ways to get to the roots of the weight issue…and I can even heal this problem without ever know what the roots are…maybe the body is keeping me safe from information that I don’t need right now…either way I am happy my body is trying to take care of me…I have confidence we will work this out.
When tapping like this one of two things will happen. First, the system might just give up the information the way a 5 year old gives up a toy once you show no interest in it. Second, you might not get any information but you are going to be comfortable in know they process has begun and can rest in the peace of that thought.
In part 10 of this series we will look at how we can use tapping to regulate body functions.
Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.
Pod #32: Questions and Answers About Tapping
Gene host’s a radio program every other Tuesday @ Emotional Freedom Techniques Community Radio. In the most recent show Gene answered questions from beginners and practitioners alike from all over the world.
This week Gene answered:
Have been tapping for an issue that has been with me for a while. I am making great progress, but when I tap all sorts of thoughts, memories, and emotions come to mind. All of this information is overwhelming. What do I do with it all?
I am new to Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping. Should I be saying the phrases out loud or is it okey to say them in my head? To be honest I feel a little silly saying them out loud.
I had a client come in for a issue that they were sure they knew the root cause of, but when they tuned in to the past memory that was causing this issue there is no emotional charge. What should I do?
I have a client who has been diagnosed with clinical depression. Where should I start?
How do you deal with naysayers?
Do we need to tap every issue down to 0?
I have been dealing with the emotions of a break-up for months now and feel like I have tried everything. As some one who deal with this a lot I am hoping you have a trick I haven’t tried. What should I do?
It hurts when I tap on some of the spots but I want relief. Should I keep tapping?
Important Links:
- Check out information on all the Emotional Freedom Techniques Community Radio programs
- Ask a question for a future show.
Teaching Others How To Tap
I want to share Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping with my friends and family and I would even like to teach workshops on tapping, but I don’t know where to begin. Do you have any suggestions on how to teach tapping to others?
photo by freeparking |
Over the last four years I have taught tapping in formal and informal settings. Here are a few tips that I have learned from my successes and failures.
Don’t Oversell Tapping, Undersell It
It is really easy to be excited about all the wonderful things that tapping can do. In addition to hearing the many stories of one-minute miracles, many of us have very profound personal stories to tell about tapping. I think we can do our teaching a real disservice by building up expectation of our students too high.
I have found in the beginning it is best to under sell how successful tapping can be. If you ever run in to a situation where it isn’t working perfectly it can still look like a success.
For example, when asked “Will tapping work on (insert issue)?” you can respond, “It might, I know some people have had success with that type of issue.”
Or, when asked, “How often is tapping successful?” you can respond, “People have seen some level of relief in just a few minutes of tapping as much as half of the time?”
We know for our experience that the success rate is much higher than that, but this help to create a more forgiving audience if it doesn’t work out the first time. By approaching it is this way you are giving yourself some room to have different degrees of success right off the bat.
Their Idea of Success
When teaching someone tapping it is important to keep in mind of what their idea of success is going to be, especially when you are teaching someone who is in pain at that moment. As noted before, if you are teaching tapping it is because you have seen its power. The people we are teaching in most cases have no idea what tapping is capable of doing.
I learned this lesson while sitting in a coffee shop in Costa Rica. I was reading when a group of travelers came and sat down. As we chatted I found out that they had just gotten off the zip lines and one of them was have real problems with his back.
I said, “I have something funky that might help.” And off we went.
He tuned into the level of pain at a 5. We did a round of tapping and I asked, “So, what is the pain level now?”
He responded, “It is at a 4.”
My heart fell. That is pathetic. The pain should be gone.
BUT, as my thoughts we going to despair everyone in his group, almost as if they were a chorus, said “WOW!”
After a moment of pause I realized that really was a wow. A total stranger in a coffee shop with no drugs of any sort in under 60 seconds just helped to remove 20% of the physical pain.
One minute wonders are great to talk about, but when people first being introduced to tapping it is okay is we also talk in term of smaller results because they can still be amazing.
Everything Is Perfect
One of the things I have learned from my hypnosis training is to recognize everything as perfect. This is particularly important in hypnosis because building repore with a client is very important. If they start to doubt you or the process then progress is going to be likely lost. As a hypnotist, regardless what happens, you act as if it is not a surprise to keep your repore with the client.
The nice thing about tapping is that it is mechanical. It works whether the client believes it or not, but it is still important to have the person trying tapping for the first time engaged so that they can stay tuned into their issues (which is required for success).
It is important to keep in mind that every round of tapping is successful. It might not be a round that leads to relief, but it does provide information.
For example the intensity might stay at the same level. This is just letting us know that there is something else we need to be more successful (clear PR, be more specific, drink water). The level might go up letting us know we are more tuned into the issue than before.
When I am checking in with someone after a round of tapping I say something like, “Did the intensity go up, stay the same, or go down?” By asking the question in this fashion I am setting it up so there is no failure, just information.
If you would like more ideas on this topic check out Feedback – What We Can Learn From Each Round of Tapping
Start Simple
When teaching someone how to do tapping for the first time it is best to get them to experience some level of success that we can build upon. To do this I recommend to start with something that is simple. Introducing someone to tapping through a major childhood trauma might be hard.
For physical symptoms I simply say, “Scan your body right now and I want to you to notice any aches or pains. I want to you to find one of the places that has the highest level of stress, strain, or pain, but I don’t want you to choose something that is chronic.”
The last part of that set up is important. Often time when we are dealing with a pain that has been present for a long time it might be associated with deeper emotional roots. Tapping is prefect for these cases and it is great to go after the emotional roots in a client session, but as a first time teaching tool it might be too much.
To demonstrate tapping for emotional issues I ask them to, “I want you to think of a moment in the last few days in which you had a disproportionate emotional response to some event. You know what I mean by disproportionate? Right?”
Not only does this usually get a smile it will direct them to something that is very close to the surface. This is make it easier for them to tune into the emotion (opposed to something that is years or decades old.)
Remember, the goal is just to get them use to the idea of tapping. Small successes are enough to do this for someone who has never experienced the power of tapping.
You Might Be Planting Seeds (and that is enough)
There are people who are going to listen to your presentation or demonstration and just walk away with a closed mind.
BUT, the next time they hear about tapping their mind is going to be a little more open. When we hear about something odd once we question it, but the more places we hear about something the more believable it becomes.
Your demonstration of tapping might be sowing the seeds to more open mind. If you just plant a few seeds in someone mind you have done good work.
You Are Not The Right Teacher For Everyone
Every teacher has their own teaching style and every student has their own learning style. Their are people that you are the perfect voice to teach tapping to them and there are others who in a million years would not listen to you.
I became much more comfortable with my web site when I realized I didn’t need to be all things to all people. Some are going to find my resources helpful whiles are not.
There are enough people in the world who could use tapping in their life that if one person (or a group of people) don’t listen to me it is okay because there are many more to teach.
You are not the right teach for every person you encounter and that is okay.
It Is OK If They Don’t Accept It
Tapping is not right for everyone. If someone isn’t willing to be open to what you are offering that is perfectly okay. When someone doesn’t want to learn they are making a choice about what they think is needed (or not needed) in their life. This is not a judgment on tapping, on your teaching style, or on you.
Even When Working With A Group Just Start With A Few People
Presenting in front of a large group is not comfortable for some people. If you are in this camp then I would recommend when teaching tapping and doing a demonstration do it for a small group and have everyone else watch.
What I mean by this is get a group of three or four people up front with you and teach them tapping and do a few demonstrations. If you are not comfortable in front of a large group you are more than likely comfortable in front of a few people. All you need to do is create this dynamic by getting a few volunteers.
It is important that when you are selecting volunteers you do this in a way that is going to give you good demonstration subjects. I would do it something like this:
“I just a moment I am going to teach you how to do tapping to deal with physical pain and emotional issues. To do this I am going to need a few volunteers to demonstrate and teach. Those who volunteer will be given a first hand experience of tapping, just like working with a practitioner. If you do volunteer your going to need to be willing to talk about the issue you would like to tap for, like the pain in your knee or being frustrated with a co-worker, so that everyone can learn for the processes. I am not going to ask anything too personal, such as the name of the person you are frustrated with, but it is import that you are willing to talk, at least in general terms, about what we are going to work on.”
If you do something like this before you ask for volunteers you are going to help to insure you are going to work with someone willing to talk and will be more likely to avoid a deep trauma issue. Again, tapping is great for these types of issues, but they are not always ideal as a teaching tool, especially if you are not use to teaching tapping to groups.
Conclusion
I hope these tips are helpful in making it easier for you to teach tapping. If you have some suggestions I missed, I would encourage you to add them to the comments below.
Self-Sabotage – Why We Don’t Tap When We Know It Works (8 of 10)
[Note: This is part 8 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]
photo by Ennor (Barry) |
There are times when I drive the people in my life crazy. They will be complaining about something that isn’t going well in their life and I will ask (out of curiosity and not condemnation), “Did you tap on it?”
Most of the time, if the issue is still bothering them, the answer is yes. Sometime they say they forgot. Other times they didn’t think it would work. While still other times they just chose not to tap.
I can relate. There are lots of times in my own life where tapping would make a huge difference, but I just don’t do it. There are of a number of reasons why we don’t tap. I hear it from my weight release clients all the time. “I know I should be tapping, but for some reason I just don’t get to it.”
Here are four of the most common reasons why we don’t tap when we want to.
Fear Of Trying And Failing
The single most common reason for us to resist trying is the simple fear of failure. We don’t want to step out and look foolish. Part of us recognizes that it just feels safer not to try. If we don’t try we don’t have to deal with all of the negatives that come with failure. We won’t tap because we don’t want to be the one person (in our mind) that tried tapping for this issue and failed.
There is a possibility that I am not going to succeed on this attempt…and that is a little bit scary…no one likes to fail…even when no one else is watching…it is not fun to fail…because when I fail at one thing…it feels like it is speaking to my total person…and my total life…if I am failing at one thing…it must mean that I am a failure…but this is not the case…if I fail at this…then I have failed at this…it does not mean that I am failure…and it does not mean that I don’t get to try again…I have failed at things in the past…and have gotten over it…I have failed in the past and learned from those mistakes…I have failed in the past and survived…many times stronger than before…by acknowledging that I might fail…and acknowledging that I might fail again…is not a free pass not to try…this is not an excuse not to put forth effort…but it is to say that I can move forward…I can try…I can learn…and I can survive no matter the out come…I have failed in the past…and I will fail in the future…but this does not mean that I am going to stay in the same place…I give myself permission to try…I myself permission to fail…it is important that I try to move forward…by trying to move forward I am giving myself an opportunity for success…and giving myself an opportunity to grow…
Back Sliding
Another common reasons that my clients’ site for not wanting to try tapping is that they are afraid to make progress, reaching some level of success, only to back slide to where they once were. Most of the time this belief is fed by past experiences. This is particularly true with weight release. We can do a great deal of work to release the weight only to have it creep back a little at a time.
I am worried about making progress…I am afraid that I am going to succeed for a little while…and then I am going to back slide into my old ways…I am worried about this for a number of reasons…I am worried that by making progress every one is going to notice…and then they are going to notice that I have lost all that progress…and I am going to look like a failure…if I don’t change…they won’t notice me…by taking a step forward…and a step back…they are going to see the fact that I am failing at my goal…I am also going to worry that it is going to be wasted energy…that I am going to put all this work in…only to lose it all…then it will be a big waste of time…and energy…also I hate back sliding because it is so frustrating…I get my hopes up when I see progress…only to fail…that takes an emotional toll…but I choose to know that even though back sliding is a possibility…it is also a possibility that I am not going to fail…this time might be different…also if I do back slide it is going to mean that things were better for a while…because I can’t back slide without progress…I also know that I am going to learn about myself as I heal this part of my life…even if I back slide it is going to give me the chance to move forward next time in an easier fashion…this is about progress…and becoming who I want to be…it is okey to do this as a process…sometimes that process involves back sliding…I am going to keep pressing on…because I am going to get past the back sliding
Fear Of The Penalty of Success
Sometimes, and I know this can be hard to believe, there are times a part of our personality can believe that it is going to be a burden for us to succeed. If we succeed people are going to expect more things from us. If we succeed we are going to have to work harder to maintain this level of success. If we succeed we are not going to be satisfied and only want more. The last thing the system want is success to lead to more work. It is easier to not succeed than have to deal with more work.
I am worried that if I succeed people are going to see my success…they are going to see what I am capable of doing…and they are going to expect more…by showing them what I am capable of doing…even if it is a great deal of work…they are going to want me to reach higher and higher levels in the future…I don’t want to add that burden…also I am worried about the amount of work it is going to require to maintain that level of success…I know the goal is going to take work…and I am afraid that it is going to require way to much for me to keep this level of success up…I know I want to improve…but the amount of work it might take to maintain that level of success is daunting…I am also worried that if I get some success it is not going to be enough…that I am going to want better and better…that my hopes and dreams are going to grow out of control…that I am going to expect more in my life than is possible…creating a situation where I am never going to be satisfied…I am worried that I am just wetting my appetite for something that I could never receive…but I choose to know…that I am worthy of success…that when I succeed my life is going to be different…that there are going to be new ways that I see myself…there are going to be new ways that others see me…there are going to be new ways in which I see the world…I know change me different…and I can’t fully know what success means…but I do know I long for transformation in my life…I can handle what ever comes with change…even if there is challenge…it is going to be better that my current situation…I can move forward…I give myself permission to move forward…it is safe for me to be successful.
The System Doesn’t Want To Lose A Key Protection
This is by far the subtlest of all the reasons that we sabotage ourselves. In this situation our system starts to recognize that tapping is a very useful tool. It believes that it is going to take our coping mechanisms away.
This is easier to understand with an example.
I have a friend, “James”, whom I have done work with a number of times. Where were speaking at an event together and it came to light that he has some obsessive-compulsive tendencies (ex. needing to turn around three times after being touched in a certain way). It is not a big deal and James is very light hearted about it. I told him during the next break we could work on that. He got very pale and started backing away saying, “Noooo…..”
His response was not a surprise. What is happening to James when he is touched a pressure builds up inside of him. When he spins around three times he is able to release that pressure. When I said, “Would you like to do some work on that?” he heard, “Would you like to get rid of spinning around three time or your pressure release valve.” In his mind he thought I was offering to get rid of the action of spinning around. Even though that is a silly action, it is something that serves him. Of course he didn’t want to lose that because then he would be left with the built up pressure.
In reality what I was offering was to take away the pressure so the release valve wasn’t needed. The exact same thing can happen to our system. Let’s pretend that I use chocolate as my comfort food. My system knows that whenever I am in a bad mood the chocolate is going to mask it. The system also knows that tapping can get rid of cravings. The system can understand this in the same way James understood my offer. If I lose the craving I am going to lose the tool to eliminate the emotional pain.
This is not the case when we are tapping. When we are working on cravings we are working the emotions that need the cravings to medicate the emotions, but it is very easy to see how the system would misunderstand this and talk us out of doing the tapping that would be helpful.
There is a part of my that is afraid to do tapping…it believes that if I tap I am going to lose the tools I need to get through the day…but I know that when I am tapping…I am dealing with the root causes…I am not getting rid of any of the tools that make my day manageable…instead I am doing the work on the root issue…by dealing with the root issue I don’t need to call on the tools…in this way I am changing my choices…in this way I am transforming my life…I am not leaving m self without the resources I need…but making it easier to make better choices…for this reason…it is safe for me to heal…it is safe for me to move forward.
Go After These Reasons
Simply recognizing the reasons we self sabotage ourselves is not enough. We need to go after these issues. And these are often not one-time issues. I would recommend spending a little time at the beginning of each tapping sessions going after one (or all) of these issues. The more work we do on our self sabotaging behaviors the fast we are going to see progress towards all of our goals, not just our weight release goals.
In part 9 of this series we will look at some of the reasons the system is holding onto the weight in the first place.
Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.
Fear of Loving and Being Loved
I know I would like to have deeper loving relationships in my life, but for some reason I keep self-sabotaging. Is there a reason I might be doing this and is there a way to us Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping to deal with it?
Often times self-sabotage is rooted in the fear of being successful and who would come with us being successful. Right before Valentines Day Deborah D. Miller, PhD
(FindTheLightWithin.com) wrote a great article on this topic. Here is the article shared here with permission.
There is a secret about human love that is commonly overlooked: Receiving it is much more scary and threatening than giving it. How many times in your life have you been unable to let in someone’s love or even pushed it away? Much as we proclaim the wish to be truly loved, we are often afraid of that, and so find it difficult to open to love or let it all the way in. ~ John Welwood
We are fast approaching Valentine’s Day, that day that reminds of love, of whether we are in a happy and loving relationship or not in one. With it can come to the surface our fears about being loved and giving love. It can remind of us feeling lonely and isolated – again when in or not in a relationship. It can remind us that love is fabulous but also requires that we are vulnerable. That is something most of us don’t like to feel.
Do you have to feel vulnerable to be loved? Does it have to be scary to love someone? Do you have to feel insecure about your loved ones?
Of course not. Love can be open, honest, delightful, and a deep sharing. It can. It starts with self-love. As you love yourself you will automatically open to being loved. More people will love who you are. More people will love you as you are. Doesn’t that feel great?
How does one get to the place of feeling so secure and safe in their own love that they can give and receive love opening? Let’s do some tapping to create just that feeling of love inside of you.
FEAR OF LOVING AND BEING LOVED
Even though I desire to be loved and accepted as I am, I’m afraid of what that would mean if I really got it. I choose to love myself anyway.
Even though I’ve learned that love is not safe, that opening up to someone means being vulnerable and unsafe, I love that I can see how love starts within me. I create safety by loving myself.
Even though it is not safe to give my love because I can’t be assured that it will be returned, and feels really scary, best to run the other way, or not open up or just ignore the opportunity, I love myself because I’m just trying to protect myself.
Eyebrow:
I feel threatened and scared when I think about receiving love.Side of Eye:
What if I invest all that time, energy and love and it’s not returned? What if I’m scorned or found not to be good enough?Under the Eye:
What if I’m abandoned again? What if I feel unworthy again?Under the Nose:
What if I surrender to love and it doesn’t work out? Will I be hurt and sad again? Will I have more wounds?Chin:
How will I ever know love if I don’t open up to it? How can someone love me if I’m closed down and afraid of being hurt?Collarbone:
How will I ever create love if I am not willing to open up and receive love and give love?Under the Arm:
I choose to begin by loving and accepting myself more, by being open to look at my vulnerabilities.Top of Head:
I choose to smile and hold myself with compassion as I look at old hurts and patterns. That allows me to release them.Eyebrow:
I choose to observe my patterns in love with gentleness so that I can identify them, modify them and begin to love in a healthier fashion.Side of Eye:
That feels so good. It feels good to allow myself to be vulnerable with myself. It shows me that it is ok and that I will survive.Under the Eye:
Loving myself even with my vulnerabilities allows me to love others as they are – with their vulnerabilities and fears.Under the Nose:
Loving in this open accepting way allows me and those I love to share deeply.Chin:
It feels so good to love myself, be open to love, to share my love, and to know that as I feel good about myself love comes to me easily.Collarbone:
Loving includes trusting and surrendering to the process, to the journey of love.Under the Arm:
A part of loving includes allowing someone to give to me. Scary as that may be, I would like to receive that love.Top of Head:
Scary as it may be to give love not knowing if it will be returned, love is always returned. It may not be from the object or person I’m giving my love too but love given out always returns to me. That is how love works – give love and then you receive love.